Procrastination is a funny thing, because it’s almost seen as unavoidable. Everyone procrastinates at some point in their life because that’s just a natural human thing, to not want to do something because it won’t be fun so they put it off, sometimes till the very last minute. For me however I procrastinate with pretty much everything I do, which is not a good thing at all.
How can someone who is so determined to become better and do good, put things off? I ask myself. I am trying but then when I go to do it I find myself saying oh it’s okay you can do it later you have time, don’t worry. Where does this come from because just a few seconds ago I was going to do it. It's strange how your inner tuition just takes over and you feel trapped like there is no way out. What am I doing? Why do I keep doing this to myself? I know that I just should sit down and get everything done that I am supposed too, but yet I still don't. I keep digging my hole bigger and bigger and soon it will be inescapable, there will be no way out.
What have I spent my time doing? Where has it all gone? I remember all days after school spent watching Netflix, scrolling the Instagram staring at the seems to be great lives of people, reading Facebook post after Facebook post about people's day to day lives. Nothing ever seems to change. Same old routine, same old people, same old life. Go home start to do what I'm supposed to, talk myself out of it, watch Netflix, check social media, eat food, realize it's almost six o'clock, get up and get chores done. Start making dinner so my mom doesn't get mad when she gets home from work. I know she's had a hard day and doesn't want to have to come home to a messy house, and so I cook dinner for her and the rest of family. Then by that time it's eight o'clock and I still haven't done any of my homework so I sit down to work on it and I get entranced by the bright lights and happy noises of Princess Sophia playing on the tv. It is so hard not to just go cuddle up with your baby sister and lay with her until she falls asleep because she is precious, and moments like that are hard to find.
Then it's ten o'clock and you still haven't even touched your homework and still don't want too because you are now tired. But then you finally convince your self to do it and you stay up into early hours of the morning, trying to finish all you had put off for the past week. I have dug this hole that I just keep digging for myself, deeper and deeper I go. It's too late to get out to turn back now so I keep digging. I keep going and there's no escape. So I fall asleep at my desk still have not finished my homework and it's due today.
I try to do all that I can to finish but I'm in class now and it's too late, the teacher is coming around to collect the homework and I'm next. My heart is pounding, hands are clammy, I feel as if I am about to drown and I don't know what to say. He is now at my desk wanting my homework and all I can do is stare at the wall because I can't even look at him. I know the whole class is also looking at me, and i don't have an excuse. I know he's standing there waiting for me to say or give him something but I don't I just stare blankly at the wall, hoping he can't see me. But he does and asks for my homework, and I just shake my head no and he moves on. I could have done it; should have done it, but I didn't and he doesn't accept late work.
September 14, 2016