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So you WANT to fail??

By , Woodland Park, CO
Dear Freshmen,
This is a letter telling you how to fail high school. So if you don’t want to be working at Taco bell for the rest life, stop. Just stop right now. For those who want their picture to be in the dictionary next to the phrase “Epic fail”, I welcome you to keep reading. But before you take that nosedive you must first master three techniques: Spacing out, procrastination, and Nothingness. Once you have mastered these, you will be an unstoppable force of mass destruction of you own future.
The first art you need to master, remember Star Trek. “Space the final frontier.” It’s the place your brain goes to day dream. So be sure to go there every time your teacher opens their mouth. It’s simple when in doubt, space out. Every word spoken in class will go in one ear and out the other. That way, the next time you go to take a test, you won’t know any of the material.
So now that you know how to space out, we move to faze two. “I’ll do it tomorrow” i.e. the biggest lie you will tell yourself, ever. Your phone, friends, and your current crush are way more important. That big history project can wait. When failing high school procrastination is your best tool. If you do your homework really fast, chances are you will have everything wrong (but at least you got it done.) If you wait until the last minute to do that essay, like I did for this letter, then you are well on your way to failing high school!
Now you must learn the art of nothingness. This technique goes hand in hand with spacing out and procrastination. Have to study for the final, do nothing. Gigantic pile of home sitting on your desk, do nothing. Need to think of a way to solve world hunger, think about nothing. NOTHING!!!! It is your best friend, and your greatest power. If you don’t know what to do with you time, you must do nothing. Not only will doing nothing make you lose academic points but also participation points as well.
That is all the advice I have time for. I’m going to go take a nap now, which you should take whenever you have free time, your brain will thank you. Before I end this letter, leaving you to your own devices, I have one thing to say. My English teacher told me to be funny and sarcastic in this letter, but being the rebel that I am (and you should be also) I’m going to take moment to be serious. Life is going to throw a ton of crap your way. And you can either keep going or let it get you down. Hear my words; don’t let it get you down!!!!!!
Carry on my young Freshmen, I wish you good luck and I hope you fail the way you want to.

Signed
One who has been there and done that

P.S I’m just typing this because I didn’t have enough words, just showing you what you should do if you want to lose points and fail in a class. Which is most likely going to happen because I stated that just doing this to get my word count past 500 words, but I don’t really care. Live by example young freshmen, and failing high school should be a breeze. ;-)



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