BrickWall

April 4, 2018

Once upon a time, in a land not so very far away, we hope. Everyone is born skinny, pretty, and happy.

From a young age we are taught that we are the some of our parts. Bigger biceps, smaller waists and those who do not fit the mold are battered and bashed with success stories. You to can be just like me.  Skinny Pretty Happy.  Yes, We want to be happy, and no We don’t want to be like you.

We are the Cinderellas, cake in hand who fought long and hard for our pixie dust. We too want our prince. We may not fit your size zero dresses and long drawn out dances. We may not wear powder on our faces to hide our blemishes, because they are our battle scars. Puberty dances the fire step over our features. We are well practiced punching bags. Our over plump faces catch zits like spiders do flys. Our short fingernails, from days of stress, give little in the way of relief.
Society has no place for us, and as hard as we try to be the funny fat one. Our hate grows for the ones were entertaining.

Have you ever been called fat? It is a funny burning feeling in the back of your throat. It causes your eyes to water, your hands to clench. It ensnares your thoughts with the tenderness of flickering flames, and you doubt every you are beautiful that your parents doted upon you. Because How do you know! Your love blinds you, and I wish you loved me enough to tell me the truth, to push the last piece of chocolate cake away from my grasp. Now there backhanded comments and words spoken in the locker room are the only things that make sense. until there the only things i hear. My head rings with the sounds of people, always people. Judging me, Judging you, Judging all that we come in contact with.

Humans, Hah. We destroy everything we touch.

Have you ever walked into a store and are told they don’t sell your size by a store clerk by the front door? Have you ever looked down and realized that you can not only not see your toes but your feet are completely lost to the vast regions of your stomach?  Have you ever looked in the mirror and been completely disappointed with what you see?.

No amounts of makeup can fix overweight. I cannot paint on days without food or ten mile walks. No amount of paste will fix what a bad day and a bag full of cheetos has done to me. I am a ruined human body.  They can tell. They can see it. And I walk down the hall wearing what they want, and saying what they want, and thinking what they want. Sour faces reply were I wanted acceptance it's not enough they scream. What more do you want! I have given so much! My Individuality lost to the wind.

I know you. You work for the things that come to people so easily. Your hard earned friends just don’t stick around long enough to know how much you care for them. You hide in a book or a basement to find a new fantasy life for you to get lost in. But oh. If only you could be like them.  I know you, we are so alike. I can read you like the back of my hand. My sisters and brothers, why do we tear each other apart like starving wolves?
I want to be loved. To be told everyday that I am amazing, That I can do anything that I want. That I am more than the space that I take up. That I am awesome, beautiful, worthy. Who among you will love me, I cry. Who will love us, the broken, the bruised, the unloved. Who among you cares.

You can see it in their eyes. You know the only difference between us is this brick wall made of only the thing that is pumped into us by the world. By society.

Society; noun
the aggregate of people living together in a more or less ordered community.
Sociologists define society as the people who interact in such a way as to share a common culture. The cultural bond may be ethnic or racial, based on gender, or due to shared beliefs, values, and activities.

Society;  Horrible, stupid, life taking. If you're not in the 'in-crowd' you're considered stupid, a loner, ugly, fat. If you wear darker clothes, you're goth. If you like loud music, you're emo. If you're a cheerleader, you're a prostitute. If you like pink, you're preppy. If you're a jock, you're an idiot . Nobody is right and everybody is wrong.

Just Be Yourself! Licensing restrictions may apply, all use of this product is completely superficial and in no way going to change your weight, gender, race,  or social structure. Please use responsibly!

   

 






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