Why is this happening?

November 21, 2008
By Anonymous

Why is this happening?

“Mom why does he treat me like that, I just want to be left alone” I said trying to talk with out it coming out incomprehensible.

“That’s the way he is, he craves attention Hannah. And I really wish I could have gone up to Maine to come and get you to take you home” Said my mom.

This conversation followed one of the worst moments of my life. My cousin was having his barmitzva. But he lives in Maine, Brunswick Maine to be exact. His barmitzva was on Memorial Day weekend. The ceremony was great although my sister, my dad, his girlfriend Angie, Angie’s granddaughter and I were late coming. After the ceremony came the worst time of my life, from the minute we got to the reception my dad and his girlfriend went straight to the bar, and didn’t leave until it closed. “Him, um when does the bar close? Well sir it’s an open bar, so when we have to clean up is when we close. Good, then well stay until then.” My dad said laughing. After I heard that, I grabbed my sister, and told her what I heard. She said to just ignore him. So for awhile that worked but then everyone went into the other room to go and eat and my dad just sat at the bar with his girlfriend having a new drink every ten minutes. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. All of these thoughts started to flow through my head such as does he really think it’s ok to drive us home after he’s been drinking a lot, even just one. And why isn’t Angie stopping him or even not drinking herself, because Marla, my dad, Angie, and I aren’t the only ones that are going to be driven by 2 drunk people. Angie’s granddaughter is with us too. I grabbed my sister and my phone, and we headed towards the bathroom to call our mom. Just as we were about to leave the room my dad stopped me and asked me to watch Angie’s granddaughter and my little cousins. All that was going through my head was why does he treat me like an adult, not his daughter, and certainly not a teenager that I am. After my dad asked me that I stormed out of the room with no response to his question and as I reached the bathroom I had already dialed my moms phone number and tried to connect through once she picked up, I couldn’t hold in the tears any longer. My sister took the phone and told my mom that dad had been drinking nonstop since we got to the reception. Marla handed me the phone back and I told my mom that I couldn’t just watch dad drink a new drink every ten minutes and then him think that it was perfectly fine to drive us back to the hotel. She told me “I wish I could just drive up to Maine and bring you guys home. After that day it just seemed that his drinking got worse and our relationship too. There were so many more incidents that happened that after each I forgave him and forgave him up until the point that I realized I was setting myself up for being hurt again. And that when ever I forgave my dad I wasn’t just giving him my forgiveness, I was giving him apart of me, which led to me having disastrous relationships with my friends because I was never one hundred percent. Then once I started to see the difference in affection he showed towards me my sister than I. I used to be daddy’s little girl, and my sister couldn’t stand him, didn’t want anything to do with him for that matter. SO once my sister got her permit she started to warm up to my dad because he offered to take her driving. Once my sister started to go driving with him he started drifting himself from me. He did this by making vague promises to me such as well I think I can go with you to get school supplies on Wednesday but I’m not sure if I can because of my job. And then I would over hear my sister talking to my mom about how dad was going to take her to get a watch on Thursday. So when ever I would call him out he would start to bring up things about my mother because he knows it hurts me and he can get a reaction out of me. But what he didn’t know was what he was doing to me made me want nothing to do with him, and to just be left alone by him. When I told my mom that she told me that she was extremely sorry that I was going through this and that I couldn’t shut him out completely like I wanted but she did say that I could send him a letter saying that I needed time and that when I was ready I would talk to him.

Although I still haven’t changed my feelings towards my dad. It still hasn’t stopped him from trying to get me to be daddy’s little girl again, but the only problem is I am not ready, and I don’t think that I will ever be ready.

The author's comments:
what inspired me to write this peice was i felt like everything in my life was crashing and the only way i could express myself was through art and writing.

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