I believe that everyone and their route is different. Different to the point where your past is reflected upon your future. Different to the point where everyone should be accepted on how they choose things, because it’s their route. Different to the point where it’s amazing to see the progress, the change, or the choices that they made, in order to become the person they are today. Now, I’m not saying that it’s not always amazing, sometimes it can always be the other way around.
First off, I’d like to start it off with my sister, who recently graduated. The first thing she told me, according to the question of what I should believe, is to stop putting myself down, considering that it always brings me down. Along with that, she added that everyone is different , and no one is going the same way. While examining the words my sister said clearly to me, it became something that I believe in the most. This belief was a statement that can mostly represent me as a person, along with reflecting upon it. Not only me as a person, but it also represented the people around me, especially my mom.
“It all makes sense now.”
My mom was a whole lot of something. A something that I never thought would be someone who was actually close to me, and to see that they became a person who started from a place where no one should experience when they’re young. As a child, she never experienced the love, belief, or even guidance, as much as she did towards me and my siblings. Her life made her feel like she was alone, until she moved to Kauai, just to seek for a better life, and her future children. Back then, she tried to prove people, mainly her parents, that she can do everything on her own. Happily, she did prove it. She used to live by herself, went straight to work after getting her diploma, and became a nurse, an inspiration.
“I’m sorry that I never appreciate you”
Whenever I reflect on myself, I wonder how or why I’m the person I am today. I wonder why my life is like this. I wonder how I’m alive. I wonder what the hell is my purpose at this point of my life. I’m turning 18 after the first month of next year, and everything is starting to hit me. My whole 17 year life span, I never had the guts to even think about comparing my life with my mom, because I know that I don’t appreciate more than I should have been. I always thought that everything would be easy to get a job, or to be successful throughout your whole life. If you make mistakes or fail most of your life, you can’t be successful. But nope, everyone and their route is different. Their life is completely based on how, we as people, choose on what we want to do with it.
“Ahah, what's the point?”
Back then, when I didn't understand everything, just like I do now, I always tried to be like my sister, but of course I didn't end up to be like her. I'm the opposite of her.— I'm going to be honest here, because majority of the people I interact with, think I'm smart, and know what I'm doing, but in reality, I obviously don't know what I'm doing anymore. I usually fail my test, or quiz, and what sucks about it, is that whether I study so hard or not at all, I'd always fail. For example, I finally went to my Trig teacher for help, and I would always go to her as much as I could, but when the time comes, I would always fail. At this point, I have already accepted the fact that my route is a complete mess, but I'll just keep walking.