Stand with me | Teen Ink

Stand with me

April 17, 2017
By space_mermaid BRONZE, League City, Texas
space_mermaid BRONZE, League City, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Haunting, Taunting, Consuming.
That's how it lingers,
Worthless, Useless, Powerless.
That’s how it makes you feel,
Be quiet and survive.
That was the law of my life for a long time, smile and do as you are told. If not? Then hell is at your doorstep. New bruises that I would have to make up stories for how they appeared. Shaking in the corner waiting for the rage to pass, waiting for the ringing in my ears to stop. Then I would think back on why, why did I believe His lies? Why did I let my walls down? Why did I deserve this pain? What did I do wrong?
He didn’t have to physically hit me to harm me, his words cutting into my skin like a katana, piercing my heart and poisoning my veins with His spiteful words.
“I love you” He would say
“You dare have a voice of your own?! You are nothing but an annoyance. It is all your fault”
“You are the most beautiful women”
“Just shut up and do what you are told you stupid women”
  I couldn't take it anymore, the fear consumed me and I ran from that life, I did what I was told to do. People told me to run, run far away and change, become a new person. So I did, I as far as I could, away from that life, away from the ringing, away from Him. They said it was the best for me, that it would keep me safe, but I knew the truth.

I was left alone, nothing but a shell of a person that once lived and breathed light. Bruised and broken, left for dead. I was nothing but an echo in a dark hallway, waiting for the day He would come back to drag me back into hell.

I was haunted till I met you, you sitting a row ahead of me in class. The boy who liked my shoes and said I had a cute laugh. You cried at the thought of my death even though we only knew each other for a couple of minutes. The boy who could find a way to make me smile even when the world was dark. You taught me to never doubt, that changing my name and looks would do nothing, that if I wanted to truly get past my darkness I would have to completely change my outlook on the situation. I had to stop running in fear I had to be strong and not just survive, but rise. My past did not own me, it does not define me, I had made a bad decision but that does not make me a bad person. You showed me that I wasn’t alone, that you would protect me if my past really did come for me. And I believed you, because you weren't another empty promise made because of an obligation. It was a promise made from a friend.

“You will be hurt, He will kill you” I echo

“He will? Well if that's the case I guess I should have the same intentions so I can protect you.”

That shocked me, you were not a killer but you were willing to become what you are not to help me. You would be possibly throwing a chance at a normal life all for me.
“Why” I ask
“Well, because you deserve someone who will actually fight for you. Because you are worth fighting for.”

That’s the moment I saw the truth, I could not let you become like him, so on that day my heart beated once again. You were the only thing that could make me feel safe, the only one to treat me like a person not a pity case. You were the love of my life, and you were willing to do whatever it took to keep me safe. But I couldn’t sit back and let you do this alone, because I knew Him, I knew what He was like and I could not let you fight him like this. So I gritted my teeth and finally stood on my own, and a new courage was bubbling inside me, it was dark, powerful, and dangerous if not harnessed properly.

I finally stood, and when the darkness did come I looked it straight in the eyes and stared down the devil. And when He beat me down I did not break eye contact, I continued to be strong no matter how loud He roared or how hard He hit I never wavered. Because I knew as long as I had you and my family to back me up, I would never truly be alone. I would never have to be alone again. I was strong as long as you were with me, you had made me strong, and you had woken me up to realize my own strength, the strength of an angered tiger. His words would never cut me again. 
I smirked as He slowly whittled away with every hit, then when I was done with the mental weakening I toppled Him off His throne, sitting on him hoping to rip that stupid He roared once again, besting my strength and tried to end my life by wrapping his hands around my neck but then you came in to put him to sleep.

You knocked him to the ground, you came to my rescue, stood over my body keeping me safe in your embrace. You kept touching my cheeks and softly running your fingers over my wounds, soon blue and red lights filled my peripheral vision but you stood like an angel amongst the horrors of the world in front of me.

You apologize? But you need not apologize for what didn’t happen, but celebrate on what did. Because of you I was able to stand up for myself, you were the reason I could even face my fear. Why I could at the laugh in the face of impending doom. Because of you I was no longer an echo but a roar. Because of you I can smile again, and love again. I will never forget what you taught me. You taught me that I could love myself, that I was worth something and that I was stronger than my fears. So truly I should be saying Thank you.
Thank you my friend, my stranger a row ahead of me, my lover.
Thank you.
From, Your Echo.
End domestic abuse, physical and mental.
 


The author's comments:

This story is dedicated to the one who taught me to not only trust myself but others once again.


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