There’s a girl who is always smiling like everything is okay. Her smile says everything is good, but it’s a disguise. She’s a fake and a phony. She tells everyone to stay strong, but she can’t. What a hypocrite!
She smiles for everyone everyday, so they don't see the pain she is in. She can force a laugh, but it isn’t true. Guess the jokes on her.
Everyday this girl tries to convince herself she’s in a dream and someday she’ll wake up and be better, but everyday she is still in this nightmare, known as life.How is it her brain can sleep, but her heart stays wide awake. Her brain doesn’t have to feel what her heart does so it doesn’t tell her what to do.
The voices in her head say she’s worthless and is nothing. “Everyone is better off without you. You’re just a waste of space. How can you possibly love something that is nothing,” the voices say. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t believe them.
She lies. She tries to make promises that she may not be able to keep. She promised him in the beginning she wouldn’t do it anymore. She kept her promise. At least for now. She says she’s okay. “I’m fine,” she says with a smile, but the truth is she’s screaming on the inside. She needs help.
She says they are all just stretch marks, but if you look closer-Look closer!- The scars have faded, but they haven’t disappeared. And they never will. They are apart of her. They are proof no matter how much she wants to or tries to, she can’t disappear completely, like she never existed. How could she after all the pain she caused?
She hurts. Not only does she use the blade to hurt herself, but she also uses it to hurt those she loves, but not on purpose. But she sees how her habit hurts those around her, as they watch her drown herself in her own tears or how she uses a blade to find relief. How could she do this to them? But how could she stop?
She is selfish She would rather die than live another day. She finds relief in a blade, even though, it hurts those around her. She wants to die, even though she knows it’s just passing the pain of loss onto her loved ones: Friends and family. Why? Because, she hates herself.
She wants to be saved and she feels the blade is her superhero. What about her friends and family? Who saves them? The voices in her head say, “Every man for himself.” But, what ever happened to, “All for one and one for all?”
It kills her. The pain kill her. The blade kills her a little more, on the inside, each time she uses it. As she watches herself slip away everyday, so far from the girl she used to be. How could she do this to herself? The voices say, “It helps,” but she knows it’s just temporary. It’s not permanent. The scars may be, but not the relief.Then, why does she do it? Because, it’s in that temporary time she feels better.
She’s a taker. After she gave and gave and gave without receiving, she wanted to take, to take her life. Little did she know taking herself would take away the happiness of those that love her. How could she be so selfish? She didn’t know. The voices always said “Who would care if you weren’t here You’re unlovable. No one will notice.” The worst part is she believed them. Each day, she lost a little more of herself to the war in her head until all that was left was hurt, pain, sadness, and anger. She thought she was lost.
She thought she was a loser. She felt like she lost everything important to her She didn’t know that this was only the beginning. She didn’t know she could still be happy, but she was the only one that could make it happen. She had to find happiness in herself. No one could find it for her.
She felt weak, broken, and fragile. Little did she know she was only a little bent. How could she get bent into shape? Only by moving past the pain could she truly be happy. She was the only one in the way of her happiness. She’s also the only one who can pick her up and put her back together. She will only be happy if she learns to love herself, scars and all. Maybe then others will too.
She’s also a fighter. She’s fighting against the urges of the habit and she’s taking back her happiness and her life. And, she’s winning! She’s getting better. She can look in the mirror and love herself. Scars and all. Because, she can finally see the truth; that she’s a young, beautiful, strong girl. She will let no one tell her otherwise.
She can see now, that she has so many people that love her so much. She doesn't need to cut just to feel relief. She doesn’t need to cut to get over the feeling of emptiness and numbness. Then she realizes she doesn’t need to cut. She’s taking back control of her life. Her only friend is no longer a blade. She has so many amazing friends. They are awesome. They know who they are. She has awesome friends and family; she always has. But then why did she feel so lonely? Because she didn’t know how to let people in. All she ever did was shut them out and push them away. They taught her how to open up to them; trust them. They are the very reason she doesn’t want to cut. She never needed to cut. She knows the truth now.
Do you want to know something? The truth? You might know her face, but you don’t know her story. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Do you know who this girl is? Have you figured it out that is girl is me. And it’s million of other people. Is it you?
The minute self harm seemed like a good idea, is the minute you need to get help. Please, don’t make the same mistakes I did. No one deserves that. You deserve better.