momma

March 12, 2009
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It all started with peer pressure, growing up my mom was one of those girly girls. Until one day she went to a party that was filled with illegal drugs. That night changed her life and mine.
My mom started off like any other druggy, marijuana first which then led to crack. She started to get addicted real quick. Too lazy to work, stealing was her only way of income. All the money she received from theft was put into her dealer's hand in return for drugs.
If she hadn't got into drugs we could've had a special mommy and son bond. We can't go back in time now, but there's one thing I hope she can live with and that's knowing she was never here for her kids when they needed her most. There's not a day that goes by where she doesn't cross my mind. I never knew drugs could take over your life until I saw my mom. That's the main reason I say no to drugs. I don't want to be that parent my mom was. Sometimes an unfortunate event has to take place in your life to make you realize things. This is my story:

My mom will always have the biggest impact on my life. Although we haven't shared a specific moment together, my mom still had an impact on me growing up. Her long brown hair and beautiful smile could light up any day. She played the cheerleading role throughout high school, until one day, when her life took a turn for the worse; drugs were the reason. She gave birth to me in Panorama City, California in 1990. For this I give her the most utmost respect. She went through nine months of misery and pain. At the time of my birth, my mom was going through a lot in her life. She could have decided to give up on me, but she battled through it. After my mom gave birth to me, she fled the city and acted as if I was invisible. For the longest time, I blamed my mom for every negative thing that happened in my life. However, a couple of years ago I realized I couldn't use my mom as an excuse for my wrong actions.

My mom will always be the most significant person to me because she changed me in ways you wouldn't expect. Although she hasn't been the best role model, she impacted my life in a positive way. She's made me a more mature, positive person. I have learned so much from my mom. Most importantly, I've learned how I don't want to live my life and how I want to be there for my kids at all times. I learned a lot from my mom's mistakes. It taught me that I want to give my kids a different life than what my mom gave me. I'm sad these events happened to me, but in a sense, I'm also happy; it made me the person I' am today. When my mom gave birth to me, I had to be the happiest kid alive. There's nothing better than receiving life. I can just remember her soft, smooth lotion hands as she picked me up for the first time. I can't completely remember what she looked like, except I know she had a beautiful skin tone and hypnotizing brown eyes that you could get lost in. The sound of her voice was like a wolf howling at night. It would always catch my attention no matter what I would be doing.

She could have been a great mommy if drugs hadn't taken over her life. To her, drugs were more important than her three kids. I also have a ten-year old brother, and nineteen-year-old sister, both who live in California. Just last year when I went to California, I met both of them. The day I met them had to be one of the most special days of my life thus far. I didn't know I had other siblings from my mom, but when I found out, I was ecstatic. We still keep in touch everyday, and it's feels good knowing I have family who cares about me as much as I care about them. They will definitely be in my present and future. When I get older I'm going to move back to California so I can be closer to them.

My mom is like big foot in the sense that people think they have seen these two people but there's clearly not enough evidence to back up the speculation. My family claims they have seen her on numerous occasions in California in the 1990's, but who knows. All I know is she has played the biggest role in my life without even showing her face. Through all the pain and agony she put me through in my life thus far, I still have a special place for her in my heart. Nobody else compares to her, nor can replace her. I love her more than anything in this world. Only if she knew how many tears I've shed over her. Sometimes I think how things could have been different if I had that mother figure growing up, I could have avoided lots of problems. I have got in over fifteen fights and kicked out of multiple schools over people running their mouths about my mom. If only she was in my life, none of these events would of happened. All of this pain and sorrow my mom has put me though has made me into a strong minded person. This true-life story goes out to everybody who has ever asked me why I'm so angry inside. I try to control the anger, but sometimes it's just uncontrollable; I'm sorry for anybody I've ever hurt mentally or physically.





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