I'm so sick and tired of hearing people hate on other people, places, things. Why can't we take a break from the hate, from the incessant nagging and complaining. No person, no place, no thing deserves all this negativity. I'm not asking for love, or joy, or happiness, only a pause for reflection, one without any hate or complaint.
My mom used to scold me for using the word hate. She said it was a powerful word and it conveyed a lot of meaning, and so I stopped using the word hate and replaced it with words and phrases like "dislike" or "don't like". But that didn't change what I meant. In my mind I still hated things, things like bratty kids, city streets, and salads. Never did I wonder why I hated these things, I just did. But as I grew taller and as I grew more mature I started to notice the hate around me, like a dark looming cloud above each person. And as I saw people gossip, I could also see the grey looming clouds above them crack with lightning as they shared a mutual hate for someone, some place, or something. And just like a storm these clouds of hate would move, spread, and soon enough, moments after the lightning, came the booms of thunder, along with the electricity of excitement these people experienced with the grand storm they had created.
Yes, I watched these storms most of the time, disconnected and intrigued. But I was also guilty of creating my own storms. How many times has I complained about someone behind their back, demoralizing their every action and word spoken? I, like everyone else, was just another dark cloud of hate to add to the storm.
But this last year, it caught up to me. As the gossip grew and good people were dragged into the storm, it dawned upon me that I didn't have to hate, there was never a reason for me to. I didn't need to hate to make friends, to succeed, to have fun. I, like everyone else had made that choice on my own.
And then there was today, when I felt like exploding. As I stood in line to pick up my schedule for the upcoming school year, I looked around at my fellow classmates. Nothing much had changed, some people had cut or dyed their hair, some wore new shoes or clothes, but the one thing I did notice was the girl behind me, explaining to a friend, who happened to be new student at my high school, that "This high school sucks and all the people here suck too". I stood there dumbfounded, in a trance for a second, not because I've never heard people complain about our school, lots of people complain, but because of the directness and hatefulness conveyed in that statement. I wanted to turn around and scream at that girl, "what about me? Do you hate me? Do you even know me?!". In that moment, I hated her, I really did. I did not dislike her, I hated her. But as I hated her I also realized that it was impossible to hate her, I hated what she said, and before that day, I had never seen that girl; I didn't know her anymore than she knew me. And so I took a deep breath, moved up in the line, collected my schedule and left.
I thought I would forget, that my frustrations would disappear into thin air. But once home, I laid down on my bed, closed my eye, and it all came flooding back to me. I couldn't help, but write about the hate I had experienced and the hate I would never forget.