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15 Year Old Burn Out

By , San Antonio, TX
I worry, a nauseating controlling fear. It erupts in my heart and pumps warm, swirls of emotion throughout my chest and into my brain. Most days, I can't focus; I'm nervous, I'm sad, I'm terrified, I'm happy. I'm a compulsive liar, I'm also the most honest and down to earth person people know. Who am I?

My mood shifts continuously, there is nothing proven wrong with me. I blame my faults on acting as a teenager, my moods that make me feel so low or high at times. I just survive, I don't exist. I do the minimal, I achieve what needs to be done, nothing more.

What's wrong with me? I use to love math, science, history, English, now I feel as if my brain will explode. I'm tired from too much activity, although I'm technically inactive. I need a break, rest for a thousand years. I'm tired of Henry VIII killing his wives, graphs and y=, Planck's constant, and the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet.

I don't know what anything means or who I even am. I can't comprehend the hidden message or code of life, give me a hint to this madness. Give me a clue to a swept away box that contains all I ever need to exist. Tell me, what next?

I've lived long enough to know, that I must strive. I must try. I must, I must, I must. Who is going to make me a success? Who is going to lead me in the world? Who is going to lift me back to my knees when I'm a klutz and crash to the floor? I am, me, the 15-year-old burn out. While stumbling and fumbling, I'm going to do the best some crazy teenager can do. I'm going to be me.





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