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I love him.
Just a few weeks ago, my state of mind was along the lines of upset. Upset that love had never worked out for me.
Nowadays, my mind is in a place of fervency and excitement because he loves me like I love him.
It's amazing how much you can change your state of mind and the direction the future points you in so little time... In my case, a week is all the time I needed to completely turn my world upside down in the most positive of ways.
I spent the whole of tonight in his arms. I thought of it more as a friendly thing than anything else seeing as we have been friends for years. But I knew that deep down inside there was something deeper than friendship in his embrace, something more... passionate... than friendship. I was just afraid of it. Afraid of what it would bring me, what it would make me feel, what it would make others feel, and most frighteningly of all... how he would feel.
I talked to him tonight.
"Hey!" I was a little excited to talk to him...
"Hey, next time we are hanging out, let's just skip to being married, skip all the awkward dating stuff and go straight to marriage."
I was slightly confused... "Um, okay..."
"But we don't like each other right? I mean we are just friends?"
"Yes, I love you but I am not in love with you." I responded, although I wasn't sure how much truth my words possessed.
Days 3 and 4:
All of a sudden he had a leading role in every dream, he was in everything I saw, I couldn't stop thinking about him. He was my math homework, my dogs barking, my piano lesson, my comfortable old t-shirt I wore to bed, and the sweet music coming from my speakers and filling my room as the sun rose. I couldn't get him out of my head. I realized that I loved him. I loved him to points I couldn't even explain. It were as if two meteorites had just crashed inside the skies of my heart and had set explosions running all through my veins, into every corner, limb, and organ of my body.
Walking to class seemed like a good time... I walked up to him. As soon as I looked up at him, it all dawned on me. I was really going to do this, this was my time. I knew it from my heart and I knew it from my brain. I knew it. All of a sudden, my knees locked and then my legs took on the feeling of Jell-O and I could no longer walk. I stopped in the middle of the hallway, choking over my heart which had squeezed it's way up into my throat. The butterflies in my stomach engaged in flight and my mid section began churning. I took a deep breath in, and squeaked it out.
"You know how I said I loved you but I wasn't in love with you? Well I think I am starting to fall in love with you..."
He told me he would ponder that thought in his next class.
I spent the day with some of my friends today, including him of course. I was in his arms all day again. But this time it was obvious that our emotions stretched far beyond friendliness and into the depths of compassion. He asked me today. Of course I said yes. I wasn't going to turn him down. This was everything I had wanted, finally working out perfectly for me.
I laid on the bedroom floor, wrapped tightly in his arms. His fingers lightly brushed up and down along my back sending tingles right through my spine. My face was buried into his neck so every inhale tasted of him. I was so relaxed. My eyelids were heavy on my tired eyes. Ever so slowly, he moved his face towards mine so we were nose to nose. Centimeters away from each other. I could feel his breath against my mouth and the tip of his nose against mine. I knew it was coming, it was so close! I just didn't know when. After a moment of hesitation, our lips touched.