100 Different People | Teen Ink

100 Different People

March 21, 2013
By Literature_Darling GOLD, Warrenton, Virginia
Literature_Darling GOLD, Warrenton, Virginia
14 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To live is the rarest thing of all. Most people exsist and that is all." ~Oscar Wilde
"I am a writer quite by accident, the way one my fall and rip a hole in their jeans." ~Blogger H. B. Sachs


I am a hundred different people. Each trying to be something they are not, each reaching to achieve a goal that someone else has set, each waiting to be called upon by others. Every “character” I play is woven intricately, made of tiny bits of truth mixed with many white lies. There is one thing that remains, through all the people I pretend to be, they are all addicts. Addicts to a drug that many people don’t even know exist. People pleasing.

People pleasing is a drug, a fire, that rips through the veins, burning to ash all semblance of self and replacing it with the desire to be what others want. It numbs all thought except the drumming question pounding in my skull like a chorus of tiny drums. Repeating over and over, You’re not what they want. You’re not good enough. And so I create. I create someone else, someone who fits the image of the person they want.

With some, I am a soap bubble resting on a blade of grass. I am a delicate beauty that cannot be touched. I stand to the side, smiling at all who pass, never engaging, only watching.

With others I am steel toed boots. I am worn leather from years of sadness stretched of an iron hard heart of stone. I am all heat and anger, with no substance or reason.

And with others, I am vinyl records and free trade coffee. Rejecting the very thought of conformity to the masses. All the while I am conforming to the idea of non-conformity.

And with others still I am a mirror. Reflecting back perfectly the image of perfection I am presented with. I never question the reason. I simply blend in with the masses, reflecting back a perfect façade of happiness.

And with him, oh with him, I was stacks of books and patchwork quilts. I was a dreamer. With pictures of Paris stuck to my wall and poems of love stuck on my lips. I was unique. I was the same. I was happy.

Yet I am none of these people. They whirl and spin inside my head, reminding me that in my quest to become what they wanted, I lost what I was. Now I am simply empty. I am a plastic bag tumbleweed rolling aimlessly across an empty grocery store parking lot. There is no depth to me because I lost it to the freedom of choice. The freedom to choose to be anything I wanted. I have long lost the girl with big eyes and a bigger heart; the girl whose first instinct was to heal the broken and whose soul sang a constant lament for the lost. I have long lost the girl whose heart was fragile enough to feel all the pain in the world, but whose shoulders were strong enough to bear it.

I am a hundred different people. Each trying to be something they are not, each reaching to achieve a goal that someone else has set, each waiting to be called upon by others. I can be a million different people, but none of them me. I have been lost, drowning in a sea of “of course I love that band” and “We are so alike”. Not realizing that to save myself all I must do is take a stand.



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This article has 8 comments.


on Nov. 6 2014 at 7:41 am
Niyaroo PLATINUM, Colonial Beach, Virginia
31 articles 4 photos 69 comments
I like this a lot. This is the best piece ive read on this site ;)

on Apr. 20 2013 at 7:06 pm
Thank you so very much! I really appreciate it!

TeamThespian said...
on Apr. 20 2013 at 10:21 am
TeamThespian, Sanford, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I never think of the future. I never imagine what comes next." - Jessica Lange

This is an amazing piece of work. I enjoyed the metaphorical aspect that you put into this piece and the vocabulary that you used to make it more relatable to the reader. One of my favorite pieces on TeenInk. 

on Apr. 4 2013 at 5:52 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

I agree with dagnytaggart! This is so relatable and real! Amazing job b/c I no exactly what u mean! This was great 5/5 stars

dagnytaggart said...
on Apr. 1 2013 at 4:58 pm
I feel like you tore a page out of my diary. Beautifully written, and very relatable. Overall, an absolutely brilliant piece of writing. This is going in my favorites!

on Mar. 25 2013 at 6:15 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

Perfection. I love the depth, and it really reminded me of Every Day by David Levithan. Your writing did get progressively stronger, but it's much better than becoming slowly worse and not having a great ending. You had that; forget that, you had everything! I really, really loved this. Fantastic use of adjectives.

on Mar. 25 2013 at 3:33 pm
carolinestarr PLATINUM, Ellicott City, Maryland
28 articles 2 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not about who we are, but who we choose to be."

conjunctions*

on Mar. 25 2013 at 3:32 pm
carolinestarr PLATINUM, Ellicott City, Maryland
28 articles 2 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not about who we are, but who we choose to be."

This was very good! I noticed that your writing got stronger toward the end of the piece. In the first couple paragraphs, watch your grammar. There are a few minor mistakes, so just check mmore carefully next time. Occasionally, you were a tad repetitive, such as in the sentence "It numbs all thought except the drumming question pounding in my skull like a chorus of tiny drums". My general rule is to no use the same word or same variation of a word (excluding pronouns and conunctions and other simple words). In this instance, the word would be "drum". The thesaurus is your best friend! :) In the paraghraph about the stell toed boots- did you mean to say "iron heart hard of stone"? Overall, just proofread more carefully and read your work over many, many times before you submit it, each time looking for something else (grammar, repetition, overall message, etc).


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