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The Lost Generation This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

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"Straight to Hell!" is where my generation is going according to my elders, but whenever I demand explanations, I'm left with unfinished sentences that trail off after a mumbled "atheist" or "liberal". I know that our supposed fate isn't largely based on our lessening concern toward religion, but on our habits and beliefs. After years of compiling their fractured arguments, I can finally see how older generations regard my own. For those born in the mid-eighties to mid-nineties and stand accused, like myself, of belonging to the lost generation, I will clarify, from our accusers' perspective, the state of "this damned generation."

Obviously, this generation can't prioritize like people used to. They took the internet and exercised it to extents never thought possible, but honestly, we don't need better means of communication; we need more pianos in today's music to replace cantankerous hip-hop. What use is a high-speed, efficient resource full of information when textbooks are available? Books may be limited and more time-consuming, but older traditions are always better. Our youth is poisoned by progress; it makes them strive for efficiency and swift enlightenment rather than a job in logging or mining – the most respectable work.

Young people, these days, don't work; they sit in offices. They design machines to do jobs for them, using scientific and mathematical skills toward unnecessary progress.

What good is a brain, strong from years of competitively-paced education, without an equally strong bicep, sculpted from years of grunt work? Besides, shifting the work force from one of laborers to intellectuals allows women to compete. Horrendous amounts of women are going to college, gaining knowledge that will surely admit them into the competitive job market. Think of how this will make the children suffer. Little Timmy won’t be able to ask his neglectful mother to vacuum his room; she is too busy working in an office. He will grow fearful of her as she works tirelessly on memorandums and loses her motherly touch. He won’t be able to ask her for help with his homework until she gets home at five, leaving hardly enough time for her to do her God-appointed job of cooking dinner. At night, Timmy will wonder how he will possibly be able to wake up in the morning and go to his nationally-acclaimed private school, knowing that his mother and father are working as equals to afford, not only his college tuition, but his sister’s as well. This sickening madness must be reversed.

With everyone being treated as equals, how will Timmy know that he, as a privileged, Caucasian man, is better than everyone else? Timmy’s father has succumbed to his generation's vilely increasing tolerance, and is completely unaware of how feminine said tolerance has made him. When men and women are treated as equals and hold the same jobs, men lose their masculine superiority and become feminine, leaving Timmy without a real man as a role model. How is this just?

Civil rights are already emphasized, but this liberal, dreamy-eyed generation adamantly defends them like they’re in the Constitution. "All men are created equal" is a fine statement, but it has been taken too far by these radicals. They have the audacity to believe that literally everyone should be treated equally -- demanding racial and gender equality as well as equal treatment of the blasphemous homosexuals. These atheists charge the streets with the "separation of church and state" argument, and we tremble as they snuff out the flame of our churches' message of God's virtuous dogmatism.

Frightfully unashamed, this self-righteous and repulsively androgynous generation tries to infect innocents with venomous ideals. They claim that the planet may be nearing its final days due to our recklessness, but what's worse than this supposed fate are the inexorable tree huggers endorsing its rising position of concern. This generation is full of flagrantly spirited people that vomit their love of the Earth onto absolute strangers, demanding guilt from innocent, church-going Ford owners. The Earth is lovely, but inconveniencing people by raising awareness to "important" issues is yet another example of how this generation is made up of rude brats bent on getting what they want.

Now, fellow damned intellectuals, I see our generation as one criticized out of provincialism. Defending ourselves against this unyielding party’s harsh accusations is challenging and often void of understanding. Once we realize that resolution is impossible, we must disregard our erratic reproofs by recognizing that when someone damns our generation, they are damning tolerance, ingenuity, and societal advancement.



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