Why should I feel bad about myself? I'm perfect.

November 28, 2012
All of our lives we are conditioned to know that we are perfect just the way we are. You see so much propaganda throughout your whole life saying things like “You’re Beautiful!” and “Raise your confidence!” etcetera. But do we really listen? In sixth grade, all of my friends would sit around at sleepovers, saying how fat they were. They would say things like “Ugh, I’m almost 100 pounds. I’m so fat.” I would not ever comment on the subject, simply because…well, I was well over 100 pounds. Don’t get me wrong, I have never been overweight. I am a healthy girl with meat on her bones and I am proud of it. But something was holding me back at those sleepovers from saying I was 115 pounds. I thought it was wrong for a twelve year old to be over 100 pounds. I laugh at that now. Lately, I have been watching how my friends talk about their weight. In the PE locker room, someone will say, “OMG I look so fat in these shirts.” Or “Wow, I am so ugly.” BINGO! Then I huge ripple of people putting them down and self-pitying waves through. “No you look fine!” They’ll say. “Look at my thighs! They’re disgusting!” I would always look away. Was it wrong for me not to think these things about myself? I thought I was fine. Was there something wrong with me for NOT being self-conscience? I felt like I should be over there, complaining about my larger hips and big nose. But I didn’t want to. When I tell people, “I know I’m not fat.” They look at me like I am a conceited “you-know-what”. I know I am not fat. Why should I tell myself that I am? Because society thinks that everyone is insecure? Of course I am insecure. But the body I have is sadly the body I will have for the rest of my life. And I am proud of that! I am who I am, why should I waste my time and energy trying to change it? High school years are rough. But I am slowly learning that maybe it’s a lot easier to get through than it’s cracked up to be.

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