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My Greatest Fear

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I am the girl who always spreads her peanut butter on before her nutella.
I am the girl who is always singing.
I am the girl who's iPod has every kind of music except classical and heavy metal
I am the girl who never cries when someone dies in a book or movie.
I am the girl who understands the food chain, yet still thinks like a vegetarian at times.
I am the girl who is only afraid of one thing. Not spiders, snakes, or clowns. Not the end of the world or dying, but of not being me.
I am the girl who is afraid of not being afraid of being herself. Because if I'm not the girl who eats peanut butter and nutella tortillas, then who am I? If I'm not the girl who is a partial vegetarian, then who am I? If I'm not singing, then am I still me? If I listen to heavy metal, is it the end of the world? If I am scared of the end of the world, am I still me? The girl who is afraid of not being herself? Because if not being afraid of the end of the world is part of being me, then would I still be me? Or would I be a different me, who's not really me, that I just call a different me, so it still sounds like it's me, when it's really not? I still wouldn’t be me. THe real me. That's what I'm afraid of. How can I be the girl who never lies, is just above average, and is obsessed with her iPod if I'm not? I am now, but what if I find that phones, lies, and being below average are easier and "cooler?" Wouldn't that make me anything but me? Because I'm NOT the girl who will change because someone else tells me too.
I'm NOT the girl who will let myself get caught up in fads, and dispose of them and move on like they never existed.
I'm NOT the girl who treats people like fads.
I'm NOT the girl who hurts people intentionally.
I'm NOT the terrible girl who thinks she's perfect, but I'm not the perfect girl who thinks she's terrible either.
I'm the girl who is afraid of not being who she isn't.
That is the girl I'm not.
That is the girl I will never be.



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Dorothie This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:11 pm
I like it. It's very well worded.
 
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