The words “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” rang through my head as I walked through the open, red-walled building on the verge of tears. I thought this week would be amazing, coming up on our sixth month anniversary, exactly half of a year but when Tuesday came, it seemed as if I should have reconsidered the thought. I believed you loved me. I loved you. I guess all the fun nights out, dancing under the stars and lying around watching endless movies means nothing to you anymore. You said you cared about me, you said you would always be there for me; you said you would never leave me. What happen? Did you just wake up and decide you were going to leave me? You were my everything; you mattered to me. I loved waking up with a text from you saying “Good morning beautiful.” I remember listening to all those heart-broken singers talking about how the love of their life just left them. I remember laughing, thinking that would never be me but now, here I am. Walking through the school halls alone, by myself, feeling unloved and abandoned. My friends stand back and wonder if I’ll ever be the same, they all stop and stare. No one cared to ask though, not one cared to comfort me. Now, I listen to the songs we both loved and find myself crying. You ruined everything that was special to me. You ruined the people I loved, you ruined songs I loved and things I loved to do. You ruined me. You tore down my wall of security; I thought I could trust you. In the beginning, you took my heart. I said you could have it as long as you didn’t break it. You promised to keep it safe. Well, now, here we are. You broke that promise. I can’t trust people because of you. Now, I have to rebuild my security wall, rebuild trust, and rebuild love. Even though you stole my heart and broke it into a million pieces, I’ve learned. I’ve learned to guard my heart for future relationships and not be willing to give it away so soon. I’ve learned that when I’m alone, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m lonely. I’ve learned that I can move on.
April 12, 2012