How To Get Over Somebody

April 5, 2012
We’ve all had that awful break-up, that relationship that simply didn’t work out, or even that crush that went off and liked somebody else instead (hey, they wouldn’t call it a crush if it was supposed to feel good). But life goes on! How do we tell ourselves that, though? Amidst the post-break-up awkwardness and the elusive (and impending) friend zone, we must rediscover our self-esteem, confidence, and pick ourselves back up. This is no easy task, but it can be done, of course.

1. Moving on is nothing more than a life style change.

Getting over somebody is like weaning yourself off of your favorite junk food. Just check out those nutrition facts and understand that there’s a healthier cookie in the next aisle. There is somebody better out there waiting for you.

2. Remember that there is no shame in loving the person you truly love the most: yourself!

Come on! You’re fantastic and amazing and why wouldn’t you want to hang out with yourself? Go ahead! Buy yourself some ice cream, rent a meaningless action movie (or two), find a nice book you have been meaning to read, and forget about the break-up for a while. Besides, there is absolutely nothing wrong with spoiling yourself a bit. Spending some time with yourself will allow you to realize how much better off you are without them. Some alone time is exactly what you need to feel better and recollect your thoughts.

3. Valentine’s Day will suck.

Nope, that piercing sensation in your chest isn’t Cupid’s arrow. It’s loneliness. But don’t let that get to you! February 14th is just a day of flower-giving, card-exchanging, and love-proclaiming. It’s a commercial holiday for Hallmark and big department stores to change up their shelves and replace the Santa coffee mugs with various stuffed animals with “Be Mine” sewn on their tummies. Valentine’s Day is simply a miscellaneous holiday plastered between Christmas and Easter. It really has nothing to do with love or relationships.

Note: Being alone on Valentine’s Day is a lot cheaper. All you need to do is buy that 75% off clearance chocolate for yourself. Yes, you can buy your own happiness for just a few dollars.

4. Post-break-up awkwardness will inevitably ensue.

The awkward eye contact in the hallways and the absence of any real conversation is bound to occur. Wait it out and try to make amends. Make small talk about the weather if you really have to, but don’t go out of your way to make conversation if it isn’t going to happen. Everything will fall into place naturally, with time. However, communication is imperative! Be honest to each other. If you two need time apart (whether for a month or for an eternity), let each other know as civilly as possible. Don’t let the social awkwardness get to you. It’s a natural part of life. You were probably awkward when making conversation before dating them too. Remind yourself that this is just a phase and normalcy will be achieved eventually.

5. You still have friends...right?

So the relationship didn’t work out, but you still have friends, I hope. Make it your number one priority to spend time with them. Rekindle friendships that may have been subdued by the relationship. Spending time with friends can really take your mind off of the break-up. Go hang out at the mall, catch a good movie, throw a man cave party, whatever you need to have a great time and forget about the break-up. Be careful, though! If you have friends who are in relationships (relationships that were far more successful, happier, and all-in-all better than yours), try to discuss anything except for relationships and dating. You’ll just set yourself up to fail. You don’t need to apply the self-imposed salt to your “forever alone” wounds.

6. WARNING: The Friend Zone

Following a non-hostile break-up, you may have to prepare yourself to be a permanent resident of the Friend Zone. This is a region that exhibits a wide variety of climates and may be the dangerous and proverbial gray area that could prevent you from moving on. Accept the challenge, though! Unless you and your ex had a horrendous falling-out, you should continue being friends.

Remember: At one point, you really liked them, so if you can salvage the friendship, do so! Why provoke the situation? Would you rather concoct a new enemy or repair an old friendship? Just watch out for Memory Lane, a historical site in the Friend Zone. You can visit Memory Lane, but don’t live there. Please. So as a new permanent resident, you need to understand your surroundings. You’ve moved to the Friend Zone. Make yourself at home and realize that this may be where you are better off. Rather than trying to pursue your ex, tell yourself that your new duty is to be the best friend you possibly can be. But don’t get too comfortable. Not just yet, anyway. If you have not truly, honestly moved on yet, the Friend Zone will be a treacherous environment for your fragile, sensitive self.

7. They may like somebody else. Deal with it—-you’ll have to.

Chances are, they may move on a lot faster than you do. They may even begin liking somebody else and you’re stuck here, still alone and probably sulking in your misery. It happens! But use this as an opportunity to really move on. Your ex has turned the pages and you must learn to do the same. There’s more to this novel than this chapter and you need to grasp that. But watch out! If they like somebody else, they may talk to you about it a lot (refer to “WARNING: The Friend Zone”). Just take it as it comes and support your ex when you can. If you two are still friends, be there for your ex and care about them enough to let them go. When they like somebody else, understand that and support them. If you really like your ex enough, hope his or her new crush realizes how fortunate they are, hope they will treat your ex right, and hope they will be happy.

Note: This is probably the most difficult part of getting over somebody, but it must be done. You can do it!

8. “I still like my ex, though! What am I supposed to do about that?”

Be happy with who you are. Life goes on and the world keeps spinning even if it doesn’t seem that way to you. I’m sure you’ll hear plenty of “there are many fish in the sea.” Even though you may have thought they were the only fish for you, teach yourself to let go. Sometimes, you’ve got to care enough, love enough, and be strong enough to let them go.

Note: Smile. Be happy. You are wonderful.

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