The Guilt of Sexting

October 23, 2011
By Anonymous

When I first heard about the idea and issue of sexting among teens, I thought, “What a stupid, wrong, pointless thing to do!” I never thought I would fall victim to it.

It all started with a new boy. I’d had trouble finding a boyfriend, and as soon as he moved into my church I thought he would be perfect. He would only show up once in a while, because he would only come when he is at his mom’s house. He had blonde hair, hazel eyes, tan skin, muscular, tall, and very flirty.

We began talking and at first I will say it was all in innocent small-talk conversations. Then one day I took a dare in P.E. that I told him about. The dare was to run through the gym with my friends in our sports bras and P.E. shorts. We did it, and when I told him, he asked what the difference between a sports bra and a regular bra were.

After I explained it to him, he confessed he thought tight panties and thongs were sexy, and that they gave him boners. I argued that boxers were sexy, and they gave me orgasms. This went on for a while and for the first few days they only ‘sexting’ we did was talking about tight panties/thongs vs. boxers. We eventually progressed into more, grosser things that I would rather not talk about.

I would lie. I would delete my side of the conversation in texts and show my friends what he was saying and have them believe that he was fantasizing, and was really weird and a pervert. When in reality, it takes two.

He told me at one point that he would stop if he wanted to. I hadn’t seen him since those first two times at church, so I wasn’t seeing him in person. He would insist that we had to “hang out(;” and that I could give him a “show.” That was when I got nervous and realized he was serious. He was crazy about my body, and not me. I wondered what I would do, he would suggest to me that I should masturbate and then describe it to him so that he would get excited. Of course, I was luckily smart enough not to do that.

I knew what I was doing was wrong. I would pray every day for help on how to stop my growing problem. It would get worse and worse to the point of where I just wanted him to tell me I was pretty or something. So one day I told him he was cute, to see if we could get an argument going like we had when we first met each other. What I’m talking about, is that we would literally argue over things like “you’re cutest(;” and then “no you’re cutest(;” for hours and hours. I missed that, and realized that was what really made me feel good about myself, not what we were doing then.

When he didn’t react to the “you’re cute(;” message, and just tried to ignore it and carry on with the sexting, I finally told him that wasn’t really me, and that’s not what I was really into. He agreed that it’s not what he really is like too. We settled it and thought it was all over.

Until a few days later though, when a few friends from the middle school (I was a year ahead, so we were the same age, but I he was a grade behind me) began to text me and message me about how I liked him and I would deny it, because I truly didn’t like him in that way. A lot of them believed me, all but one. Then the friends that I showed only his side of the conversation to now hate him and believe he is a sick pervert, when really I am guilty.

That one that didn’t believe me though, is a friend I have now lost. I have lost him because of the stupid decision of mine. He was not the most trustworthy person, and we had been close at one point, and were no longer close, and he could be annoying, but that is still not the point. The point is that I was stupid and lost a friend. Sexting is stupid. Don’t start.

The author's comments:
I was stupid.

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