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You Are Beautiful

By , Cibolo, TX
“Just eat a sandwich.” How many times have I heard that? As if I chose all of this. It always was my way of coping. Purging food= purging emotions. At first I just wanted to lose a pound or two, but over the months it led to counting calories, crying at the scale, spending hours looking at skeletal hours at a time, it became a horrible cycle. Still think purging or starving is a good way to lose weight?

I went to such extremes to lose weight. I took ADHD meds to curb my appetite that left me jittery. I had an ‘ana trainer’ that nearly ruined my life. I fasted for days at a time; until I was so tired I missed school to sleep. I exercised until I couldn’t walk without wincing. And relationships? Forget having them. If you think ‘pro-ana’ is a good diet, say goodbye to your friends. You’ll push everyone away because they can’t know your secret and every get together with the girls involves food. You could chance it, but you’ll most likely eat something fattening, or even binge, and purge, and after that you’re slow and annoying your friends. And no more boyfriends. They don’t understand, might even call you a freak. You’ll push away your parents and finally they get annoyed trying to get you to talk, they’ll just leave you alone, which leaves you alone, left with spinning thoughts, and calories adding up, leaving you depressed and wide awake no matter how exhausted you are.
Nevermind the physical things that will happen. Your hair becomes dry and thinner, your nails begin breaking, you have scrapes on your knuckles from purging, your teeth turn yellowish and become super sensitive, your head hurts and you’ll have red eyes often. Your stomach will burn when it’s empty, and any food makes it cramp. You’ll always be cold and your skin becomes mottled purplish, when you sleep your bones will hurt and you’ll get bruises no matter which way you lay. You’ll be tired from lack of sleep and fall asleep in class and your grades will drop. Your family and friends will start to notice and watch as you become sicker, and maybe you’ll recover, or you’ll end up in the hospital, or you might even die from an organ failing, a heart attack, or malnutrition.
But not a single part of this will matter to you, if you’re trying to lose weight, all that matters is the pounds lost. I’ve realized that no matter how much I starve, purge, or exercise, it’s never going to be enough. It’ll never be enough weight that you’ve lost; you won’t be able to see the bones and gaunt face that everyone else can see. It will never be enough. You will always want it lower, even if you weigh 10 pounds, you’d want to be 5, that little voice will always be there, telling you how fat you are, how many calories you just ate. So do me a favor, go look in a mirror right now, and tell yourself you are beautiful, because you are. Next go do something that makes you happy. Never let something like an eating disorder take away your happiness.





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