All my life I've noticed something subtly different about myself in comparison to my friends. My love for food. All my life I just thought I had a great appreciation for the taste of it, the feeling it gave me when I ate it and the satisfaction that disappeared almost instantly once the food was gone. Never once before had I thought of myself as an Over eater. Like any other addiction whether it's alcohol, substances, you name it, food is just the same. It fills you. When you're sad. It fills you. When you're mad at you're mom. When you get a bad grade. When you're just plain bored on a summer day. It fills you. You can't stop yourself. Actually, you're positive that the person who is stuffing themselves isn't you, but another person and you're watching from the outside. It's hard to admit. Especially when not many other people would. Especially when you're not overweight because your conscience forces you to exercise it all off the next day. It's a constant battle for balance every second of every day of your life. You want it. Your body, mind, hands tell you to grab it before you have a second to think and before you know it you've already done it. I heard about Over eaters Anonymous from a girl on MTV who claimed she was addicted to food. At first I thought it didn't apply to me because i exercise all the time, am in a healthy weight range and look relatively similar to most other girls my age. However, the way you look does not disqualify you from an addiction. Just because a man wears a business suit and carries a briefcase doesn't automatically rule him out from being an alcoholic right? Anyone can cover it up by counter balancing it. The balance mostly comes from complete and utter denial. The word addict is a scary word that no one wants to be associated with. An addict is always an addict. No matter what you do, no matter how you change you were first an foremost an addict. No matter what food will always have an influence on my life, just as I'm sure it will for many other teens who may be facing the same thing I am. I thought I was alone. And it turns out I am wrong. You may think you're alone. But you're not. The first step is admitting it to yourself because what you believe is the only thing that is going to directly impact your decisions. I'm a shy person. But I do know that talking it out to people who feel the same way I do may be the best way to escape the hole that I keep falling deeper into. I want to go to an Over eaters Anonymous meeting. I want to change my life. I want to live my life the way I want. And at 17 I'm thankful that I've realized that I have the chance to change. I can change it all before I regret. Before I regret I can look back and be proud that I actually stepped away from myself to help myself. I can't be my own worst enemy. I have to be my own inspiration. Because in the end, it's me who needs to be happy with ME.
An Average Overeater
August 20, 2011