Is it selfish? To want to die? To take something as “precious” as your life away from the people who love you? Or at least, they think they love you. But they don’t really know you, do they. They know the person who wants to go out all the time, who wants the latest clothes, who wants to loose weight and get a boyfriend, the person who aspires to become a doctor someday. They don’t know the way you really feel. How everyday is a challenge you barely have the energy to make through. All you see are the things you’ve done wrong; the things you’ve failed at. You feign happiness at the small things you achieve, but on the inside, you really want to hurt yourself for not being…the best. What does that really mean? The best. Why is it a constant part of our lives. Its like this unhealthy obsession running the way we live, altering our lifestyles, pushing us 24/7. Why are people no longer happy with what you actually achieve? You get an A on your paper. You think, oh wow, mom’s gonna be so happy about this when she sees it. “Good job, but what did ***** make?” A f***ing A+ Ma. Yeah, they say we never compare you to others, just do your best and we’ll be proud. That’s a bunch of bullshit now isn’t it. Just the fact that they asked about ***** shows that they aren’t moderately impressed with you. Maybe if they pretend they are happy with what you got, they’ll start believing the lie; that you aren’t an utter disappointment to them or the family. Well here’s a wake up call for them, you can never be perfect. You can never be on the top. And here’s a wake up call for you. They will never be satisfied. What happened to being original and loving each other for who they are? People are so engrossed at being better than each other, no one ever really knows who they are anymore. Not everyone can be a genius. Not everyone can be the f***ing president. But no, Mom and Dad want what’s best for you, which means pushing you to the limit till you break, and when you break, it feels so good to let the pressure and pain and anxiety leave. To not give a s*** anymore. They say its for your own good. So you have a future to look forward to. So you can support your family and live a good life. But tell me one thing. What good does all this advice do if you get pushed to the edge, and there is no future? What happens when you pull the trigger? Will they finally realize they pushed too hard? Or will they remember you as a selfish bastard.
Do I Matter?
July 18, 2011