Finally. Finally have I amounted to something. It was finally enough for them. I degrade myself because everybody I've ever loved or wanted to impress has. I have been the underdog all of my life. From my father to my band teacher. There are only two people who don't degrade me. Mrs. Kordus, and Rachel. I don't know why rachel doesn't degrade me. She's better at everything than I am. The only department where I can beat her is sports. She's a better writer than I am, a better artist than I am, a nicer person than I am, she's just more impressive where ever I thought I stood out. I guess I am a bit jealous. But I'll be in major jealous mode if her and cole get assistant manager. I think he likes her more than he likes me. They work so well together, and even though I know he's messing around, I still feel a pang of jealousy whenever they are partners. My father has forever degraded me. I was never enough, he was never proud. My grades were always too low even when they were straight a's, no matter how much effort I put torwards baseball, he always found something wrong. I just belong with the invisibles. Why be noticed if it's never enough for anyone? It's just easier for me to slip back in the shadows. I've never been enough, but when I got that gold medal on my flute, it was finally enough, or at least somewhere close. I finally stood out to them. All it took was one number, the number one on that score sheet and they were won over. Why had it taken so little to do so much? My father is finally telling me he's proud, when I've wanted his love and praise all of these years. All it took, was a little number. For thirteen years I've been waiting for praise from anybody, and I finally get it, but is it too late? IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH FOR THEM. Do any of you know what it feels like, to be the underdog forever, to have to put a barrier up so that no one can see your emotions, because they might think even less of you? Do any of you have to hide like I do?
Why did it take so little to make such a big difference?
March 27, 2011