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The Decision

The decision may not be clear or the question may still be vague but at some point everyone will have to decide. It may occur over a period of years or a few short seconds. That moment when you decide exactly who you want to be, not who you are, that is something completely different. I am talking about the point where you are fully conscious, in control and ready. It won’t be easy, but it will be necessary.
Realization - hit me very hard in middle school, not early middle school but late middle school almost high school and then has followed me into my late high school career and will probably still be under construction well into college. It is a decision that will carry you and help you through your entire life if you ever allow yourself to realize it. It is a decision that has many strings attached and is almost impossible to let go. This decision is the one that determined and still determines who my friends are and even who I am. I lost friends because of this decision but I also gained friends. This early decision to confront this crucial decision set me above my peers who are just beginning to realize that this decision even exists. It is the decision that determines how I want to live my life, who I want to be and what my purpose is, but there are still many more aspects that I have yet to discover. I am still searching for the answers, some that I have only discovered pieces of, others that are still yet to be discovered, and still others that I am steadily pulling out of a dense fog.
You are probably still wondering what this decision exactly is, but that is not a question that anyone can answer for you. This decision is so personal and varying that only you can define it for yourself. I could give you my definition of this decision but I am still trying to fully discover exactly what that definition is and even if I knew I would not have the words to fully express it. I am not the only person to run into this problem of defining and explaining a decision that determines so much of who I am. Simply listen to Beethoven’s 5th Symphony, and you will see that he, too, was at a lack for words. Lose yourself in the beauty of an abstract painting or sculpture and discover exactly what an artist could be saying about their own life through the entrancing mixture of color and shape. Any piece of creativity that reminds you that you have a soul contains the creator’s answer to this inevitable decision and may also assist you in finding yours.



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