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There's a song for every emotion and an emotion for every song. Some emotions are lucky and get more than just one song but, never can a song have more than one emotion. That's impossible. They just can't share.
Right now I'm in one of those Big girls don't cry; Fergie/ I'm not OK; MCR moods. I've built a wall to see who could knock it over and when I saw my best friend, half of that wall came crashing down, notes and melodies flying everywhere. Fergie sang along.
She hugged me and I hugged back, never wanting to let go. I didn't want to leave but, I had too. Today was my last day at my favorite school in the universe and I ad to make it count.
"We will be pen pals. It's much more fun then talking on the phone."
"And I'm coming back every summer. We'll probably be there for a couple weeks then drive down every other weekend. We'll probably come on weekends during the year too."
That song's a damn lie. That or I'm smaller than I thought.
The day was spent with goodbyes and tears (though they were really unnecessary) and at the end of it, everybody said good bye again. The next day, I sat down in my car at dawn, turned on my mp3 player, and waited for my parents and sister to wake up the rest of the way and finish getting ready to leave.
By the time I had woken, we were on the road, driving fast. I didn't bother to ask how far we'd gone because I knew it couldn't be far. Plus, I'd rather drive for a year and go back home then drive for an hour to some place new.
Mom had to go through a long talk about how we'd be there tonight and we'd start school tomorrow and I didn't try to argue. I already knew I'd have to go to school and it wasn't like I was going to be nervous about anything. I had no one to impress. I wanted no friends. I planned on being secluded from the rest of the world except our little town back home. I spent the rest of the long trip sleeping and trying to rebuild that wall.
The next day I got up and got dressed like I always did. I got my things together and went to the car like I always did but, when I walked outside of our house, I realized where I was. I was some where unknown and scary. Then I remembered that there was nothing to be scared of. I didn't care what people thought about me. I was ready to walk into that new school with my head down and wall built.
Somebody had enough guts to ask me my name. I tried to be polite but not enough to make her want to keep talking to me. Then she asked," Where'd you move from?"
I mouthed the words as they came from her mouth. I knew the drill. There were three questions somebody asked some one new to the school. Name, Previous location, and...
"Do you like it here?"
"No actually. I'm tired of moving and I'm tired of new people. I want the people that I used to have so been sure to tell all your little friends that there are no more friend positions left in my business..."
Then some one else came up to me at lunch and tried to talk to me. I had a table all to my self and he must have wanted to break the ice, thought I was lonely.
"How are you?"
"My life sucks. Any more questions?"
Then he left.
I'm good at this depressed loner thing.
We lived in the place for a semester and summer was about to start. I still had no friends and I liked it but, Mom wanted to know how come I didn't have "sleepovers" and more.
"There's no one to do it with, mom."
"You haven't made friends?"
"No, and I don't plan too."
So a week into vacation, we drove home, where I wanted to be.
I saw her, my best friend, again and the earth shattered. It was just us. We were supposed to stay there for three weeks but, the next day, the earth was rebuilt and replaced with the half of the wall that held back My Chemical Romance.
We headed back the next day. Dad said the fishing wasn't good this year so he wanted to go home. I guess he didn't know that we were leaving home. He said home is supposed to be where your heart is. Not your mind. I told him,
"My mind stays with me where ever I go but, my heart stays at HOME in a little box buried underneath a tree in the woods next to our house."
"Well, maybe were not all supposed to follow the path that we've started to go down, Hun."
"Or maybe, life isn't about finding the right path. Maybe it's about making your own road and driving down it at 120 to see what happens."
The car had stopped and we were a mile from town. My dad stared at me in awe. I grabbed my bag and opened the door, searching for my mp3 player. I found it, pressed music, pressed artists, pressed mcr, and went to I'm not ok. Then I Found big girls don't cry (I only had the CD because I laughed at it and it was really my sister's anyways), and put it on next. The other half of my wall had crashed before the broken half had begun reconstruction. I was walking into a battle zone, bear and armless. I kept walking but only faster until I could turn the street and not see the parked car when I looked behind me. I walked right into the forest on the edge of the road and started making my own path through.