I was oblivious when my best friend needed me. I didn’t notice the scars that were rapidly appearing on her legs and arms. In my highly delusional state I couldn’t even begin to comprehend that my best friend, who had everything, would willingly hurt herself. One night I crashed off my pedestal. The night started off like any other we made popcorn and drank root bear in front of the TV and dream of ways to get guys to notice us. Well more to get them to notice me after all she always had more than me. She was going to boarding school soon; the only fact that came to my mind was why she was leaving in the middle of the school year. There was an answer to that too my mind told me she never had good grades like I did, maybe she’s looking for a fresh start in Utah, that’s where she was going after all. Then when I asked her if she was going to Utah because of her grades she started to laugh hysterically then to my astonishment she started to cry. Long painful tears that probably tasted like air to her later I tasted the same tears for a hundred different reasons. In between her sobs she told me she was going to a hospital for anoxia and bulimic patients, that the program would last about five months and also that she cut herself. Like falling off of a high pedestal it took a while for me to comprehend, but when I did the tears came, a flowing river. “How long” I managed to say softly in between my gasping for air sobs. “About a year” she stated as though losing ten pounds was worth it. “When I leave the hospital won’t let me contact anyone I’ll see you in five months it will be okay I’ll get better”. It was so not okay.
January 13, 2008