Crime Rates Rise

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The crime rate in Milwaukee has increased 500% in the last 3 years because of the inane ban on Starbucks in the United States. After the fifth re-election of Justin Bobby(R), the inexorable vote was made permanent without discussion. President Justin Bobby has the country in duress because of his law, which prohibits the making and selling of Starbucks in the United States punishable by law. He put a hole in the cups of Americans and will be known as the culprit who malnourished America for their love of Starbucks.
Women and men have stopped getting up in the morning. We interviewed one man who said this, “There is no use in waking up and going to work if I can’t stop and get some Starbucks on the way. It was more than a coffee shop, it was a social sect” Businesses reported a rampant growing number of employees that have stopped showing up to work. One idea businesses and companies concur on is if something isn’t done soon to get employees back, we will face another recession comparable to the Great Recession of 2034.
In an attempt to bring Starbucks back to the United States, please cut this article out and promptly mail it to President Justin Bobby. We aspire to persuade him into reconsidering and reevaluating his ethics based on what is best for America.





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