Im starting to realize that no matter how bad things might get, That in the end i might actually be okay, No i will be okay. when i look back on the times when i was ready to give up and take the last slice ill ever inflict, i know that im still here and i was able to come up from it. something pulled me away to where i am today so obviously i was okay. i no longer have him we have been done for a long time. it breaks me apart everyday i show it less and less sometimes not at all, because i know hes not comming back this time. i seem to be okay with his change of heart i cant hold onto him when hes already let go of me. tho id like to always hold him in my arms look at him and tell him all the wonderful things ive ever thought of him. i know hes happily in someone elses. but thats the word that crossed my mind (happily), thats part of what i wanted for him right?. so hes getting there and im okay with that. he stole my heart and ill never get it back. as much as i complain about that, im lying to myself id rather he have it and not give it back than anyone else i might be with in the future, because he was the first to change everything. believe it or not i thank him for letting me put up with his trouble and difficulty. it changed me but not completely. and all this time when i swore id never recover, its part of growing up thoughts change and i start to exept that fact. ill be okay.
ill be okay
July 22, 2009