My brother, Gabe, was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome at 13. This common but rather unknown condition is highly disabling to those affected. However, with support, those with AS can become productive members of society.

Asperger’s syndrome is part of a spectrum of developmental issues called Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD. It can be characterized by a lack of social awareness – for instance, not understanding social cues or lacking skills for socializing or making friends. This does not mean, however, that those with AS are not interested in making friends or socializing. On the contrary, their desire to sustain meaningful interactions and friendships is poignantly constant. I can’t count the times I’ve seen my brother alone in his bedroom, wanting to go out but unable to because he doesn’t know how to reach out to acquaintances.

Other symptoms include an inability to decode others’ thoughts, feelings, or emotions. My brother and I often argue about the intent behind something someone said to him. He doesn’t understand the subtleties of speech. When someone asks, “What’s your point?” he doesn’t know whether the person is joking, in need of clarification, or challenging his point of view. He takes everything to heart or personally.

Another defining characteristic of AS/ASD is obsessive interest in a topic – for example, cars or trains, or even more specific things like the mechanisms of a watch. Over the years, Gabe has had a number of fixations. For a while he was so taken by video games that all he could talk about was “Call of Duty.” Presently, his fixations are working out, tattoos, drawing, and still video games.

Often people on the autism spectrum have other developmental or neurological diagnoses, including obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety disorder, depression, or other mood disorders. The co-occurrence of one or more of these diagnoses is 83 percent. Last December, Gabe started having increased anxiety and showed signs of depression and OCD. One day we were home alone and I was making something to eat, cutting vegetables with a chef’s knife. Gabe looked at me anxiously and begged me to put the knife away. He said it was making him nervous because he was afraid he was going to use it to harm me. In his head, he could visualize the bloody knife in his hand and a big gash in my back.

Soon, we discovered that he had been struggling with intrusive obsessive thoughts that he could not control. He became so overwhelmed by violent thoughts and anxiety that he could barely function. It was heart-wrenching to watch him in constant battle with himself. Although we knew about his violent thoughts, we were never afraid that he would act on them. That was the core of his struggle; he could not convince himself that he was incapable of harming those he loved.

Unfortunately, ASD is a common disorder. More and more children are being diagnosed with it. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, in 2000, one in 150 children were diagnosed on the autism spectrum; in 2006 it was one in 110, and now one child in 68 is identified with ASD in America. It is almost five times more prevalent in boys than in girls.

Despite these sobering statistics, there is hope. For people with ASD, success is within reach. All they need is encouragement and support. My brother is considered high functioning. With proper support from his family and medical specialists, and the tremendous work he has done to improve, my family and I are confident that he will succeed in life. Moreover, Gabe has shown amazing courage to overcome obstacles. He has held jobs, was an exceptional gymnast, and made it through the darkest anxiety and depression.

To me, AS is not a disability. I do not see my brother as disabled. I prefer to describe those awesome and often highly intelligent individuals as having different abilities. Instead of using the word disability, I prefer “diffability.” Most people with Asperger’s syndrome are hard workers and can accomplish more work of better quality than their “neurotypical” peers. Thanks to their common characteristic of extreme fixation, they are passionate and motivated by the things they love doing.

Undoubtedly, living with someone on the autism spectrum has been eye-opening. I still don’t know what it’s like to have Asperger’s, but supporting Gabe has helped me develop more love, appreciation, and understanding for other human beings.

Words can’t describe how much I love my brother. If he didn’t have AS, he’d fit in just like all the boring “normal” kids. Who he is makes him unique, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m so proud of his progress and accomplishments. Next year, Gabe is off to college to pursue what he’s most passionate about – 3-D video art animation. I know success will be waiting for him at the end of his studies.

“If I could snap my fingers and be non-autistic, I would not. Autism is a part of who I am.”

   – Temple Grandin