Visible Male

October 24, 2013
By Anonymous

This is way overdue. It's no ones business but my own, but I feel the need to share. Over the past year or so I have been learning to accepting myself. I finally admitted to my mom that I was transgender. I told her a month ago. So I have kept this to myself for a very long time. Basically because , like I said, I was learning to accept myself for what I truly am. Now I am happy with myself. I am happy that I know what I am. Sex and gender are two completely different things. Sex is between your legs, as if gender is between your ears. Transgender is a very misused word. Its a word that throws you into a caterogy. Life has already put me in the wrong body, why put me into another thing that I dont belong in? Its the science term. Not the correct term. Im still human. Why call me something different? I've been asked , " What makes you think that you are transgender?" . I told my doctor that I just don't feel okay with myself. His response? " Alot of people dont feel okay with them self". True. Most people hate there weight, face, looks, personality, ect. I am not okay with the body I am in. I am not okay being labled 'female'. It's tearing me up mentally. Now, yeah, I'm 14. This is a BIG change. But it's not something I thought up over night. Being meat free was a phase. Being into the whole 'goth thing' was a phase. This is not. I know what want. I gave this a great amount of thought, I thought about the process. About the way people would react. Now the next question, What makes me think I am transgender instead of 'gay' ? Physical attraction to people have nothing to do with this. I could go through the whole sex changing process and like guys. Physical attraction is not something I am concern about right now.

Now you probably don't know how I feel. My doctor told me, I should wait until I am 19 or 18 and really gave this thought. I can not go years like this anymore. It will be the death of me. Imagine being in the oppisite sexs body. For girls, you are now a guy. You have facial hair. Muscles. Deeper voice. For guys, you are now a woman. High voice. Breasts. You would feel not normal. Uncomfortable. That is how I feel right now. Honestly, the easiest way to put it, regardless of all the terms that are used today… I was born in the wrong body. I was born physically female. But that’s not who I am or who I ever was on the inside. The term clinically used is "transgender" but it’s such a mis-used word and I don’t use it to describe myself cuz I feel put into a category when life already threw me into the wrong one. As I already said. Your body is here to hold the person you are inside it. It doesn’t matter what changes on your body, whether it’s your hair colour, length, if you have a piercing, get a tattoo, whether you break a bone, lose a limb…. who you are will always be who you are. Your body is always changing anyway. How do you know if you’re a girl or a boy? You don’t need to look down to figure it out. I am not looking for people to accept me. I accept myself, for once.

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