Goody Goody

July 18, 2013
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For me, fitting in has never been easy. I’ve always been the “perfect” student, or the one kid who’s always prepared in class with multiple pens and pencils. I’ve got a straight "A" record, and almost never slip and forget my homework. I’m not athletic, and I’ve tried and failed with music. I've never felt like I belonged with friends because I was just so different. My grades, well, they’re pretty much all I’ve got. So of course I nurture them and make sure they don’t fall too far, because without them, I am nothing.

After a while of being who I was on the inside and out, the whispers and stares became so unbearable that I changed all together, to a more “modern” style. That’s right: short shorts (and I mean REALLY short shorts), over the shoulder, bra-strap-showing shirts, and over priced shoes that don’t hold up for more than a year. I parted my hair on the side and grew it out, and started to pluck my eyebrows and wear makeup. I would only use certain brand-name products. I was no longer the happy, carefree, little girl I used to be. I became expensive, and moody, and picky over every single detail in how I looked.

Finally, after a year of touch ups and unnecessary fixes, I felt like I fit in. I looked like everyone else, and truly believed that this was that yellow brick road paved in sunshine and happiness. Only, after all those years of perfect grades, I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out.

I didn’t act like one of “those” girls at all. I still kept up with school, and worried about being too revealing with my clothing. I didn’t want to get detention, or get in trouble. People started to notice that I was kind and respectful of everyone else’s opinions and ideas. I hated that annoying, over exaggerated drama, and wasn’t very interested in hanging out in coffee shops and shopping everyday after school.

Soon enough, word got around that I was a goody goody. Upon hearing this from a close friend, who even agreed, tears had welled up in my eyes. I didn’t want people to think badly of me, and I had gone through becoming someone I wasn’t for nothing. I was different, and human! So why couldn’t I just blend in with the crowd?

I realize that I had never really changed. Yes, I looked completely different on the outside, but luckily I had never changed on the inside. So I’m back to square two.

I’m not standing at square one because I have still kept some of what I gained. I have been more self conscious about what I wear, which is kind of a shame, but it’s okay to be aware of what looks best on you. I have become more of an outgoing person, as well. I’ve grown into a bigger, better person from the experience.

If I were you? Save yourself the tears and be who you are, because nobody can change that. Don’t worry about what other people think. I mean, that only created more problems and double the stress for me.

Looking back , I have just one more thing to add:

Yes, I’m a goody goody. And I’m proud.

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catwithglasses said...
Jul. 28, 2013 at 10:43 am
Wow, this article has a great message in it! I loved it. It was fantastic!
Isibeal19 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 16, 2013 at 4:18 pm
Haha thanks catwithglasses! This happened in sixth grade so...I am so glad I moved past it.
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