One Brave Bully

July 31, 2011
“I’m a bully, I was a bully.” The hardest words I’ve ever had to say to myself. Realizing I hurt someone, and didn’t care. Actually laughed at the things I had caused them to do. A horrible feeling not at the moment: however, starting freshman year with no one was a feeling that stung every minute. Middle school was a breeze when I had friends to laugh, and point, and pick on other kids. Teenagers my own age, dealing with similar problems, maybe even bigger than mine. Being so conceited and cruel took a toll, and I learned the hard way that being the bully only gets you so far. I needed to change, I decided to apologize.
The one person I thought about when I was getting ready for freshman orientation was a girl. Someone I used to think was meaningless, she meant nothing to me. But now a long, lonely summer later I pictured the things I caused, I remember telling her she was nobody and to stop standing up for herself because no one cared. The next day a school official told me the teen was found punching holes in the girls bathroom, and crying because the things I had said. In a perfect world I probably should have felt bad and stopped my tyranny, but I laughed and used it against her instead. I took it further and wrote things about her where I knew she’d see it. Funny thing is I had “friends” then, to laugh with but when it was over and our victim had lost their will to fight back, I was the one who was left. Who became meaningless, with no one?
I friended the wrong people, and believed they needed me as much as I depended on them. Being a bully alone is like becoming a victim of only you. Some people are strong enough to look past the things I’ve said and done, but she, who I’ve chosen to remain nameless, can never. And somehow I guess it’s for the best. So I can’t hurt her again, and from a distance I can see she’s happy. Because she had true friends, ones that didn’t care if she cried or if she was made fun of. I someday hope to become that content with myself and the people around me.





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afterglow said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 7:47 pm
Wow, this is really touching. I used to be bullied a lot in middle school so I know what it feels like. I am glad someone decided to speak out about the other side of the coin... While it doesn't in any way make up for the things that were done to me or her, it does help to see that at least one of you saw what you did wrong and now cares.
 
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