I am Openly Bisexual: A Coming Out Story

May 3, 2010
By , clayton, NC
I came out bisexual this last year. In June(2009) to my immediate family and this last February(2010) to my friends. Thankfully, I was supported and accepted. Certainly, I heard occasional snippets of she’s bi and all sorts of other comments of how I can’t chose and can’t get any, the usual bi-bashing slander.

I think, looking back, that I was so scared that no one would accept me. I didn’t accept me at first.

I liked girls and boys ever since I could conceivably have a crush and fully get what “liking” someone meant. But while I had heard and been told it was okay if I was a lesbian, I had never heard of being bisexual. It was okay for me to be a dyke, or straight, but bisexual? Never heard of it.

The first girl I ever liked was a girl named Dominque. And then there was Danielle. Shahar. Tiffany. Christine. Katie. Lindsey. Halley. Victoria. There were guys interspersed at random. But ultimately, I liked both sexes and I was scared. There had to be something wrong with me. If there wasn’t I would have heard of this already.

I accepted my sexuality after I was done trying to force myself straight. I wrote and wrote in my journal and researched for people like me, people who liked both sexes. I watched a few television movies and shows and realized, nothing was wrong with Ellen DeGeneres, nothing was wrong with any gay/lesbian/bisexual people. And there was nothing wrong with me.

My parents seemed to know as my junior year came around, a year after I finally considered that I wasn’t straight. I wasn’t a lesbian either. But they seemed to know I wasn’t straight.

I remember driving with my dad one day. I wanted to tell him. I started bringing up the topic by mentioning what one of my openly gay friends was going through at home. My dad agreed that being forced to be straight and be kicked out and disowned because of being homosexual, was wrong. I started to tell him, to confess this secret I had been unconsciously bottling up for years. I opened my mouth to begin, but I couldn’t do it. My mouth sat there open and nothing came out. Nothing. I thought nothing. I felt nothing. And then with a cold stab of fear, I shivered unconsciously as the subject was changed to some person behind me tailgating me. I was relieved, but ashamed. The perfect leeway and I blew it. I froze. A year or two passed.

When I finally did commit to my plan, I had already told my sister who said it was “cool” and that she supported me. I was soaring because someone knew. I wasn’t alone anymore. I had already come out to one friend earlier that year, who I will refer to as Lucky. Lucky is still one of my closest friends and I appreciate the support I received so much.

But when I did come out, it was in a jumbled mess. You see that night I had invited someone I knew had liked me and I played him. I felt horrible about it. I played up the whole nervous date attitude and mannerisms I had witnessed with others of my sex. And just as I executed my lines and actions, so did my friend, like a puppet on strings. Strings I pulled on to my advantage.

Later, my father asked me some questions, like how did I like this boy? All sorts of questions about him. And I just blurted it out. I had never really liked this boy. He was my friend. And I played him. I felt sick about it, but I needed time to consider how to come out and reveal my purple self. “Dad, I like girls. I am in love with a girl. She doesn’t love me back, but I love her. I do like some boys, but not that one. Dad, I am bisexual.

There was an awkward silence and my dad tried the “it is just a phase” remark that I had learned to hate. It wasn’t just a phase. It isn’t just a phase. But as we talked, my dad accepted me more.

I was afraid to tell my mom. She’s an LGBTQiP supporter, but I only knew about the G and the L. I wasn’t either. My dad evidently told her because a week later, she brought it up and reassured me that she didn’t care what sex/gender whoever I loved. She told me a little bit about her days as an active supporter, helping teens who weren’t as lucky as I to have an accepting family. She said if I ever wanted to talk about it, to talk to her.

I was so happy. My sisters both knew, as did my parents. This February, I ,at the encouragement of my new friend Casey, became open about being bisexual. We both became open bisexuals on the same day. I was really happy to have a friend who was bi too. It made a comradeship. I wasn’t alone anymore.

Since then, I have opened up a lot and have answered questions from peers and others, dealt with insults attacking my sexuality, my looks, and me and educated others about why my love for men and women isn’t wrong and why everyone should have equal rights in the USA and the world.

I have also educated myself further so that I can answer questions better and explain because the insults and attacks I and others like me face, aren’t about us. It isn’t about the fact that men can love men. Men can love women. Women can love men. Women can love women. It is not about people loving people. Their insults are about ignorance and fear. And the only way to face that is head on.

I can’t stand by and watch another Matthew Shepard or Jane Currie die because of bigotry, hatred and ignorance. That is not acceptable. It is not acceptable for me to sit by and watch that happen to anyone.

My coming out was very positive once I finally realized I wasn’t going to be hated, disowned, unloved and abused. However, not everyone is that lucky.

Join the Discussion

This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

jov2293 said...
Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:15 am
I personally would like to say that your writing spoke to me, i myself am bi but im not completely out yet, but after reading this, i might just come out to the world, thank you, you really have inspired me
naturelover said...
May 31, 2010 at 8:10 pm

I live on a small farm and we had a half rooster/half hen.  It was unable to reproduce, but it would "mess around with the hens and let the roosters "mess around" with it.  My whole family now knows that this is a biological thing that you can't help.  We do know that people have the choice to resist the temptation to sleep around no matter what gender/ orientation you are.  Whether a person is G, L, Bi, or streight, it's helthiest to stay abstinent.  Oh, yeah.  ... (more »)

whispersofthenight said...
May 25, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Great writing, and I'm glad you're open about it. Too many people hate others for their orientation, it's not right
MCRlover2011 said...
May 24, 2010 at 9:07 pm
wow i wish i was strong enough to be openly bi- a few ppl know, but i'm still afraid of what ppl will say... my sis didm=nt approve when i told her i thought i was bi so yeah... anywho good writing =]
ilovestarz said...
May 9, 2010 at 12:47 pm
thats great! im openly bi too. and im only in the 8 th grade. ive always liked both sexes since i was in pre-school. all my friends that were girls new too. well, they new cuz they like to make out w/me bcuz they were curious about girls. i just openly said. yeah i am bi. everyone at school know's to and yeah i some people talk and say its gros but who cares what they think. then just a few weeks ago i told my mom. my older brother already new lol. we went to the mall to check out girls tog... (more »)
mandapanda91 replied...
May 10, 2010 at 7:27 am
Thanks:D I was nervous about coming out, but this is how I felt
CheezeyCrackers said...
May 8, 2010 at 9:57 pm
That was so beautiful! I am very supportive of all orientations. I've writtien English essays on their rights, and have stood up for people who are numerous times. This was the most amazing piece I've ever read. Amazing job! Keep your head high about being Bi, Your amazing "]
crawfordkid This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 8, 2010 at 7:35 pm
I truly appreciate you submitting this. I myself am bisexual, and to hear such an uplifting story such as your own really gives me hope. Currently, there are only four people other than myself who know about my sexual orientation, and it is incredibly hard not being strong enough to come out.  It isn't that I would be afraid or hurt by the stream of insults that would come my way (I attend school with extremely closeminded people) but I'm just not pa... (more »)
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