Judge Me, Please This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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As I walk through the hallway, I peek out of the corner of my eye at every person to analyze their facial expressions. Do they think I'm trying too hard? Does my outfit look okay? Because, personally, I feel like a clown playing dress-up in this girly thing, and frankly I don't feel like myself.

The outfit looked okay this morning – at least when it was on the hanger. Now it is just uncomfortable. I'm wearing pretty gray boots and a shirt to match, but I'm afraid to bend over in these skinny jeans. I lock my muscles tight, wishing I was anywhere but here in front of the judgmental eyes of school. No, I'm not dressing for that special someone, but rather this cruel society.

My sister smirks at me when I rush to her room in the morning begging to know if I look okay. Okay as in “Will people judge me positively, when I'm just dying to wear some PJ ­bottoms and a sweatshirt?” People judge, ­unconsciously or not, and being a size 13, most people just see the fat. Clothes mask it, but my personality is not enough to compensate.

Now I'm hurrying to my first class, feeling too vulnerable to wander. I plaster on a big smile and act like I'm not an outcast. And as the day wears on, I pretend that people think I'm skinny with this getup on, and I pray no one sees through me.

You may call me insecure, and I am, but please, judge me.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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RozaB said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 8:14 pm
You know how people say: you should just be yourself, and people will like you anyway? That may not always be true, but people who make fun of others because of size of race or anything else are just insecure and ignorant. So, even though everybody says this, I will too. Who cares what they think?? Be yourself!
 
Taphephobia This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 6:42 pm
i think a lot of girls are like this, during half my sixth grade year i dressed up in the preppy clothes that were too tight or short or had a shirt that was low cut, then after a while i realized i wasnt the type to wear a dress and leggings everywhere, i wear skinny jeans and band shirts and thats just who i am, this is really inspiring
 
rabbit8 said...
Feb. 2, 2011 at 4:59 pm
i have done that too. i went home from school that day, climbed up a tree an just cried. i said "this isn't me!" then i hung out with my old friends who don't care what i wear.
 
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