What She Taught Me

December 3, 2009
By , Smithfield, NC
Her hair is pitch black, stopping a little below her ears, and she wears jeans with a city-scape jacket. Black eyeliner surrounds her carmel eyes, with flecks of green that glow when she laughs. All in all, she's beautiful as she is; she's also brave. She came out of the closet as a lesbian in the seventh grade, the year before. She's my first real love, where I light up when she's around and can't help but smile if she's happy.
The sun shines around her as she boards the bus and I instantly feel more energetic, even after a tiring day of school and the cloud of anxiety that's consumed me all day; today, I'm going to tell her that I love her, my prom date, which we jokingly use as a nickname for each other because we decided we were going to prom together as friends before I even felt this way for her.
As she sits, I muster up my courage and open my mouth to talk at the same time she does. I pause out of politeness - and failing courage.
"Do you think I should get back together with Bree? Be honest," she says quietly, looking down at her hands before glancing at me. I mask the pain I've started to feel at her opening but pretend to think about it. She rushes on to tell me that her ex-girlfriend wanted her back and how she's changed so much; she thinks this time it might be for good. I know it's not, that it's just a ruse to get Nat back. Bree treated her horribly when she deserves to be treated like a princess or a queen. Nat is a perfect person, with an honest heart and ready friendship for anyone who wants it, but Bree just uses her for her body. She can't see past Bree's pretty words.
I answer the only way I can: "Do whatever makes you happy, Nat. You know I'll support you no matter what you decide but I can't make this decision for you. If you really want to be with her again, then get back together; but if not, then don't."
I'd love to say I declared my love right then but I didn't; I knew, even though it broke my heart, that's Nat's heart was with Bree, not me. They got back together and she went to prom with her, breaking up with me even though she didn't realize it.
But I didn't get angry; I understood and still do. It took me two years to get over her but I finally did. Nat will always be my first love, the one who taught me that it's okay to be different, to not meet everyone's expectations but to meet your own. There are plenty of fish in the sea, both male and female, but I will never forget what she taught me. She taught me how to be free of what society deems okay; I'm proud to be Bisexual.





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FreeTheWordZ said...
May 9, 2010 at 9:59 pm
very brave move mami>>>:~)
 
Jeannette said...
Jan. 15, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Be Loud and Proud Girl!
 
courtney lynn said...
Jan. 15, 2010 at 7:39 pm
thats really good that you didnt care what people thought of u
 
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