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What it is like to live with Aspergers Syndrome This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

By , Milford, OH
I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 9 years old, but have probably have had it since I was born 17 years ago. At that time, I didn’t even know what Aspergers was, but I have learned what it is. Aspergers is a developmental disorder within the autism spectrum. Living with Aspergers, I’ll say, is not very much fun. Actually, it is really annoying to have such a disability. Having Aspergers can cause me to get angry or confused very easily. I can get so angry when my parents tell me to do something, especially if I am in the middle of doing something else. When I was a lot younger, and still today, I have a hard time understanding what the teacher is explaining. Most of the time my grandmother tries to explain the homework to make it more easier for me to do. Sometimes, when I am doing one thing, I am thinking of another thing like I can’t even spell today.

Another thing I do is that, whenever I am standing around waiting in line at a grocery store or somewhere like that, I have a tendency to sway back and forth, or rock side to side. I think I do that because I am really bored, and I don’t’ want to be standing there doing nothing. I don’t even know I’m doing it until someone tells me. I know it probably looks weird but, it soothes me. Of course, people stare at me whenever I do it, and I feel like saying to them, “I have Aspergers, I can‘t help it.” Sometimes when I get nervous I start talking and talking and can’t quiet down.

Another bad thing with Aspergers is that, I have a very hard time conversing with others; teens, my therapists, and sometimes even my family. My friend Maria is 1½ years older than I am, and I have a hard time communicating with her. I’ll say, “Hey, what’s up?” She’ll say, “Okay”, and that’s the end of my conversation. Even if I practice ahead of time someone has to help me out by saying things like, “Don’t you want to ask Maria how school is?”, or ask her “What’s she been doing since the last time you saw her?” Then I will start up and then it of course, it stops again.

I really want to have a boyfriend badly, but unfortunately I don’t have one, and sometimes I do silly stuff for boys to notice me and that doesn‘t work. For instance, there is a boy whom I have a huge crush on and I am always so excited to see him. However, when he shows up, instead of talking to him I go and break up twigs in the front yard!
There is a prom each year for teens that are home schooled. I didn’t get to go last year because I didn’t have anyone to go with. Classmates at school kept saying, “You should go, you’ll have a good time”. However, no one asked me to join their group.

Even boys who are like me don’t ask me out! For example, I went to a classmate’s Bat Mitzvah, and I gave a ride to a boy whom I think has autism because he acts just like me; I was so excited, but I couldn’t say one thing to him! My grandmother helped me make a list of things to talk about, but I just couldn’t do it. As soon as he got out of the car, he couldn’t get to the popular kids fast enough. Of course, they ignored him. Go figure!

Sometimes I just wish that I was a normal teen living a normal life. I hate having disabilities; it makes me feel like a very ill teen that can’t get better no matter how hard I try, even though people say I have come a long way. It has taken me 8 years of lessons to learn how to swim. Now, once I get into the water you can’t get me out. I have learned to love swimming. It is now one of my favorite hobbies. It has also taken me 10 years to learn how to ride a bike. I love biking now as well. I still don’t know how to ice skate or roller skate yet, but I am still learning. Having Aspergers also makes me feel like I am a very illogical person that doesn’t know much about anything, and always acts weird. I wonder will I ever get better or will I always be a weird kid with disabilities.

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pinkietoeshoes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm
Although I don't have Ausburgs Sydrome I know how it feels. I voulunteer at a camp for disabled people. I see life through a different perspective. This was very heart warming, although upsetting. Next time you like a boy you should try to write a letter to them. Those who ignore you are stupid they don't know who you really are. They think that they are tough and can deal with anything. Screw them! In your self you are amazing and by having the confidence in your self you will be able to shine.... (more »)
QueenLiz said...
Mar. 30, 2012 at 4:45 pm
I also have aspergers. Even though some of my symptoms have gotten better, I really don't have any friends and I get nervous in big groups. I'm just excited for college because maybe I will find more people like myself. I really enjoyed and can relate to your article.
GLee_Luver said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 2:58 pm
My parents say I don't have Aspergers, but really searchin the signs, and this just confirmed it. But I will have to go my doctor. :)
countrygirl28This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 8:20 pm
I have Aspergers, too. You really described it clearly and intelligently. Great job!
Genya This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 19, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Honestly, I would try to tell more people that you are affected. They might see you as this weird person, but what they don't know is that you have Aspergers!

I hope one day you can talk to someone without rehearsing it. I mean, I could never see myself having to do this, and it must be frustrating.

eksearle This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 13, 2011 at 8:13 pm
I totally feel for you. I have Aspergers myself, so I know exactly what you are going through. I sometimes have social issues just like you. However, I have learned to overcome them, and I'm sure you will as well.
GirlWithAnOpinion said...
May 5, 2011 at 10:08 pm
I just wanted to say thank you for writing this! i have a sister with Aspergers sydrome...  I don't.... I CAN'T understand how she feels... what I do understand however is it's hard... and not only does the child with aspergers have to deal with it.... the child's family has to too. It's hard for me too... I don't like hearing them say things about her..... she's my sister and I love her dearly! But asperger's can be controlled and maybe not controlled... but somewhat contained.... I am sti... (more »)
kenzie011 said...
May 5, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I know that i do not know one thing about you besides the fact that you have aspergers syndrome. However, i know that one day you'll be happy with you, and if people can't except you than forget about them because i bet you are one of the coolest people to come across. Good luck with learning! You'll get there! :)
Breakdancegrl said...
Feb. 1, 2011 at 12:48 pm

It's not a disease. Its aspergers syndrome. Dont worry about that though


JacksDad said...
Nov. 30, 2010 at 1:06 pm
It is NOT a "disease"!
Megan21192 replied...
Nov. 30, 2010 at 1:12 pm

Not trying to be rude but not once did i mention in this article the word "disease"!

Sorry but that comment you gave me hurt my feelings.

JacksDad replied...
Nov. 30, 2010 at 3:32 pm
That comment was supposed to be in response to the last two comments on your post (holy_crazy_man911 and J1208) - sorry that it did not post correctly.
JacksDad said...
Nov. 30, 2010 at 1:05 pm
It is NOT a "disease"
Genya This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 19, 2011 at 12:55 pm
Even if it isn't, it sounds just as debilitating.
Fifteen_RosesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 19, 2010 at 10:55 pm
This really touched me. Seriously, I want to cry... I do not know you, but I am praying for you and your amazing talent with words. :)
Megan21192 replied...
Nov. 30, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Thanks. I am glad you liked it!
ijedmonds101 said...
Jan. 19, 2010 at 5:53 am
I have Asperger's myself, but the major opponent being a male. Seventeen years ago, I was born with this condition but it seems to have only gotten worse. Your social debilitation is not necessarily as severe. I've lacked the ability my entire life. I've experienced firsthand isolation from my peers, and have even been talked about by teachers. And as far as this being an alleged "pathetic excuse" for bad behavior it most certainly is not. Knowing that you obviously unde... (more »)
Megan21192 replied...
Jan. 20, 2010 at 1:30 pm
When I found out I had aspergers i wondered, "does any one else have aspergers?" now i know.
Wickedforlife replied...
Jun. 4, 2012 at 11:55 pm
Oh my god I'm so sorry.
The~crayon~in~my~heart said...
Jan. 9, 2010 at 5:44 pm
this is who you are, people should be more accepting and less judgemental~just keep learning!
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