What it is like to live with Aspergers Syndrome This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

January 3, 2010
By , Milford, OH
I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 9 years old, but have probably have had it since I was born 17 years ago. At that time, I didn’t even know what Aspergers was, but I have learned what it is. Aspergers is a developmental disorder within the autism spectrum. Living with Aspergers, I’ll say, is not very much fun. Actually, it is really annoying to have such a disability. Having Aspergers can cause me to get angry or confused very easily. I can get so angry when my parents tell me to do something, especially if I am in the middle of doing something else. When I was a lot younger, and still today, I have a hard time understanding what the teacher is explaining. Most of the time my grandmother tries to explain the homework to make it more easier for me to do. Sometimes, when I am doing one thing, I am thinking of another thing like I can’t even spell today.

Another thing I do is that, whenever I am standing around waiting in line at a grocery store or somewhere like that, I have a tendency to sway back and forth, or rock side to side. I think I do that because I am really bored, and I don’t’ want to be standing there doing nothing. I don’t even know I’m doing it until someone tells me. I know it probably looks weird but, it soothes me. Of course, people stare at me whenever I do it, and I feel like saying to them, “I have Aspergers, I can‘t help it.” Sometimes when I get nervous I start talking and talking and can’t quiet down.

Another bad thing with Aspergers is that, I have a very hard time conversing with others; teens, my therapists, and sometimes even my family. My friend Maria is 1½ years older than I am, and I have a hard time communicating with her. I’ll say, “Hey, what’s up?” She’ll say, “Okay”, and that’s the end of my conversation. Even if I practice ahead of time someone has to help me out by saying things like, “Don’t you want to ask Maria how school is?”, or ask her “What’s she been doing since the last time you saw her?” Then I will start up and then it of course, it stops again.

I really want to have a boyfriend badly, but unfortunately I don’t have one, and sometimes I do silly stuff for boys to notice me and that doesn‘t work. For instance, there is a boy whom I have a huge crush on and I am always so excited to see him. However, when he shows up, instead of talking to him I go and break up twigs in the front yard!
There is a prom each year for teens that are home schooled. I didn’t get to go last year because I didn’t have anyone to go with. Classmates at school kept saying, “You should go, you’ll have a good time”. However, no one asked me to join their group.

Even boys who are like me don’t ask me out! For example, I went to a classmate’s Bat Mitzvah, and I gave a ride to a boy whom I think has autism because he acts just like me; I was so excited, but I couldn’t say one thing to him! My grandmother helped me make a list of things to talk about, but I just couldn’t do it. As soon as he got out of the car, he couldn’t get to the popular kids fast enough. Of course, they ignored him. Go figure!

Sometimes I just wish that I was a normal teen living a normal life. I hate having disabilities; it makes me feel like a very ill teen that can’t get better no matter how hard I try, even though people say I have come a long way. It has taken me 8 years of lessons to learn how to swim. Now, once I get into the water you can’t get me out. I have learned to love swimming. It is now one of my favorite hobbies. It has also taken me 10 years to learn how to ride a bike. I love biking now as well. I still don’t know how to ice skate or roller skate yet, but I am still learning. Having Aspergers also makes me feel like I am a very illogical person that doesn’t know much about anything, and always acts weird. I wonder will I ever get better or will I always be a weird kid with disabilities.

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This article has 74 comments. Post your own now!

Aspenwiz said...
Jan. 14, 2013 at 1:02 am
So well written and so amazingly strong. I admire you!
Megan21192 replied...
Jul. 8, 2013 at 9:01 pm
Thank you so much. It means a lot
Danielle H. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 6:46 pm
This is so unfortunate! Just keep trying, and never give up. Stay positive. One day, some lucky boy will like you for you, and won't care if you have a disability. You may take longer to learn things, but you eventually get them. And hey, I don't know how to roller skate or ice skate either! You'll get the hang of things. Keep your head high, and you'll be fine <3
ShesAWildflower said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 5:27 pm
I know a girl with aspergers. She's really mean and made up a lot of stories that were total lies, but I don't think it's the disease. I think that's just her personality because her parents give her whatever she wants. I do the whole swaying in line at the store thing but no one ever tells me. I didn't notice that that was abnormal I guess.
Kiki_McGee said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 4:56 pm
I loved the article! I may not have aspergers but I can relate with not being able to speak to the guy  I like and with always feeling ignored. I know how lonely it can get sometimes. Maybe you should try writing to the guy you like first. That might make it easier to talk with him later if you already know a bit about him. Also, don't let other guys' reactions put you down. They don't deserve you if they judge your disability and not your personality.... (more »)
ms.liz2015 said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 2:27 pm
that was realy good. my sis has the same thing and sometimes its really hard to understand her but i know how you feel.
AnneHoffman said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 2:06 pm
I love it! It takes alot of courage to talk about your disabilities no matter who you are. I've been around alot of people with different dissabilities and I know the troubles they go through. There is a boy in one of my classes with aspergers and he is amazing. I tell people i have ocd all the time and they don't believe me until theres something I can't stand seeing misplaced or sideways and i freak. Please continue to share your experiences its a good way to help especially with y... (more »)
Monica@Roman said...
Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:07 pm
im very proud of you for sharring your story. its very moving but i would like to say that yes you are different and thats ok, if people treat you different thats thier problem. dont let anyone make you think ur infirior. i understand becuz i have major disabliliteis as well...and i dont get along with some of my classmates cuz they do think im wierd :s but its whatever cuz its not my fault i was born with a disability and you shouldnt feel that way either. :) keep your head up high
BehindTheScenes said...
Oct. 14, 2012 at 6:04 pm
I'm glad you have the strength to talk about it! Keep writing and working towards your goals in life!!
BehindTheScenes said...
Oct. 14, 2012 at 6:04 pm
I'm glad you have the strength to talk about it! Keep writing and working towards your goals in life!!
theatregirl This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:56 am
I like your article. It like how wrote very naturally. I can relate because I have ADHD and sometime i have trouble with socializing. Keep writing! ( sorry about that boy. it happens to everyone, so kust keep trying and if doesn't work, forget about him)
AirsoftFreak95 said...
Sept. 22, 2012 at 7:33 pm
Your article was great! I can totally relate to this, for I have Aspergers as well. I know exactly how it feels to be shy around large groups of people... I also know how it feels to have odd qwirks and such. I have a tendency to rock back and fourth while I'm sitting. It's soothing in a strange way. 
WindDancer said...
Sept. 22, 2012 at 9:03 am
This was really interesting and well written. It made it easier to understand Asperger's. Keep writing. Thank you for sharing!
GlassesGirl721 said...
Aug. 9, 2012 at 7:57 am
This was a great read! It really helped me understand how it feels like to have Asperger's. You are a good writer and should continue with the good work. (Oh, and as for the boy who ignored you in the car, try again with him another time but if he doesn't respond, well, there are a lot of people out there who would love to be with you, so don't waste all of your time on him.)
. said...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 9:25 pm
I have aspergers too, so I can relate to some of the things you have been going through. I have a serious rambling problem, even though I'm not the most social person (especially around guys). I veiw aspergers as just a little baggage people care around, but it isn't too big of a deal. This is just a suggestion, but my symptoms have lessened since I started eating gluten-free. I don't sway as much anymore, and I focus on things a little better. Not to mention. aspergers left me with a ... (more »)
Elizabeth B. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 12:46 am
I don't have Asperger's, but I do have a similar condition called Sensory Processing Disorder which makes it really hard for me to do certain things like read people's faces to see how they're feeling, and transition from one activity to another. SPD used to be diagnosed as mild Asperger's, but it's now being recognized as it's own disorder. The point of this rambling comment is that I know how you feel, at least partially. I also know that you're gonna be OK. I promise. I had a physical therapi... (more »)
NatureWriter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Wow, I have Sensory Processing Disorder too. Living with Aspergers has to be hard but it takes a lot of courage to tell people like you did here. 5 stars for sure! 
Lazza said...
Jun. 26, 2012 at 6:52 pm
*sorry, meant to say your friend maria!
Lazza said...
Jun. 26, 2012 at 6:50 pm
That was such a good article; my sister has aspergers and the point you made about talking to your sister made me rethink how i should act more, and put in more effort- thanks! :)
Wickedforlife said...
Jun. 4, 2012 at 11:53 pm
I'm sorry, ;( please reply (I'll get an account soon) and we can talk about it. I have asbergers too and would love to have another person to relate to also.
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