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An Ethnic Girl's Doubts This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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   I watch him walking down the halls with his new girlfriend. I am filled with the uncontrollable anger, sadness, and jealousy. Yet, with all those emotions, there is still one more. It is lingering in my head, in my brain , the curiosity of why he ended our relationship.

We used to be a solid couple. We spent all our time together, laughing, singing, going places. We were "always and forever," as he had put it. That is, until this year. He broke up with me and began dating another girl. She was pretty, an average student, on the soccer team, and most hurtful of all, white.

I go to a mostly white high school. There are many ethnic kids who go here too and I am one of them.

Every time I pass my reflection in the mirror I stop and see two dark eyes, a flat nose, and a mass of black hair that frames my melon-shaped Chinese face. I ask myself, "Will I fit in? Will people overlook your outer-self and realize what a kind, considerate, cultured person is hidden beneath the color of your skin?" I reassure myself and say, "There is no reason for people not to like you, unless they are prejudiced, which is terrible and wrong."

There is not too much prejudice in my school. I was not aware that in other schools (and towns) it still existed. I had not been teased and made fun of for years, but one day when I was walking down the street in another town, a group of younger girls called out hateful names which hurt me badly. I did not say anything to them, being shy and self-conscious, and walked away, angered by their ignorance. It felt strange when they said those words. Since it had not happened for such a long time, I was not used to it. If the same thing had happened a few years back, I would have burst out crying, but now the shock, the realization that some people still felt that way, left me speechless.

So when my boyfriend broke up with me (after that incident had occurred), I could not help thinking that he broke up because of my race. I still think that now. He is white and it mattered to me to have a "white" boy like me. Maybe he was ashamed to be seen with me, or maybe our love was just not meant to be. I am not a confident or outgoing person. Right now I feel as if no one will ever love me again. I have so many doubts about why we broke up that will probably never be answered. I don't think that I'll ever be comfortable knowing I am different and that there are people that will not accept me. n


This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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This article has 4 comments. Post your own!

just-a-joy said...
Apr. 13, 2011 at 12:57 pm:
i hope u dont mine but i LOVE your piece so much i performed it at a debate competition where u use other writers work to make a statement about the world  
 
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suckerpunch234 said...
Apr. 11, 2011 at 11:08 am:
You wrote this very well.  I have to say that those girl's who said those mean things to you are indeed ignorant, and that you did the right thing thinking so.  However, their ignorance shouldn't affect you in any way, shape, or form.  Let them be unknowing, and don't let a boy make you think he broke up with you due to the color of your skin.  And if that is so then you obviously should know that every guy in MY school prefers chocolate over vanilla.  Don't give up!
 
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just-a-joy said...
Jan. 12, 2011 at 7:03 am:
this is really good i can relate being black and hispanic iv gone through this and it helps knowing im not alone
 
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Asianflowers said...
May 12, 2010 at 8:16 am:
The people who do that are stupid...you are beautiful! Even if the guy broke up with you, he doesn't know what he's missing. Someday a guy will come that will know just what you have. I am chinese and proud of it. Just ignore the people who are like that. Be different, be yourself and be proud of it! There is no one exactly you except you.
 
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