High School From the Eyes of an Outcast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

     I am not easily recognized, or rather, I am easilyignored. My style of dress is a cardigan and jeans, or when it's warmer, aT-shirt and jeans. Occasionally I'll wear khakis. I am a very unnoticeable 5'3''and have eaten just enough chocolate to have a round face and figure. With all ofthis in mind, when I tapped the shoulder of the up-to-the-minute girl lip-lockedwith her boyfriend-of-the-day, I was not greeted with a warm smile.

Ifrequently disturbed this couple, since my locker was in Make-Outville. It isinteresting, however, that I am the first (technically third, I suppose) to findout what new couple has gotten together.

As I waspondering why our lockers are neon orange when our school colors are red andblack, I exaggerated the act of dropping each book into the metal box to enjoythe humor of the "you-only-wish-you-could-have-what-I-have" look fromthe heavily outlined eyes behind me.

The irony is - I don't want that. No,I am not a nerd in denial; that is just not what I want. Exchanging saliva with adifferent guy every week and making sure I look just like Jennifer Love Hewitt orany other three-name girl is not my top priority. Sorry to disappoint you Miss"I can't believe I had to buy a size 3," but you're a little conceitedto think everyone wants to be just like you.

I'll tell you what I want: Iwant to go to college. I want to get good grades. I want everyone to be nice. Iwant a cure for Alzheimer's so my grandmother and my family can have Grandfatherback. I want to get to my locker without being scrutinized. Oh my goodness, whatan outcast I am. What a nerd! Whatever is the matter withme?

I like boys. Simply because I choose to search forsomeone who makes me happy (and that just happens to take a while) does notautomatically prove that I live an "alternate lifestyle." Sorry todisappoint you; I apologize for taking away today's lunchtimeconversation.

I will tell you what I want in a boy. I want him to opendoors for me. Old-fashioned or not, I appreciate that greatly. I want him to bemy best friend. I want to be able to go to him with anything and for him to careabout what I say. His favorite outfit on me is whatever I am wearing that day,and he smiles the moment he sees me.

Most of all, though, to explaineverything, I want to feel loved. To me, that takes a little more than "Hey,baby, wanna go to my place?" My heart goes a little deeper than any remarkcontaining the word "baby." The man I am picturing may not exist, but Iam not asking for perfection. Anyone who will love me for who I am and not who Icould pretend to be after hours of training and another two hours in the bathroomwould be an improvement on what I've found in high school.

Perhaps allthis is not the popular idea or view on life. Maybe it is not even the best. Ijust wish some people would get their faces out of the mirror and do a littlemore work on what is on the inside.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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This article has 12 comments. Post your own now!

Anonymous said...
Apr. 20, 2016 at 10:26 pm
I feel for you.
HEY_GIRL said...
Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:35 pm
I feel the same way. I want to meet some one who loves me. Not for my body. I don't care if they say baby or not I just want them to call me beautiful.  I hope someday I will find him.
Caesar123 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 2, 2012 at 8:56 pm
I can tell that this piece speaks from the heart. Nice work, and keep it up.
luther7718 said...
Jan. 13, 2012 at 1:15 am
I call my girlfriend 'baby' all the time, but that doesn't make the expressed affection any less genuine. You shouldn't equate pet names with insincerity. As for your description of what you want in a boy, I've always found that the people you truly end up loving rarely match up with what you thought you wanted before you met them. You'll probably encounter that yourself, as you grow older.
ellabella said...
Dec. 26, 2011 at 9:35 pm
When I see something like this, it inspires me that everything is notwhat it seems and there is someone, wether boy or girl who iswilling to love me.
forgottenpenname This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 25, 2011 at 9:36 am

Oh gosh, thank GOD my high school isn't like this... I go to one of those places where the popular people also happen to be smart and hoping to go to an Ivy League, and while we're still kind of cliquey, your clique is not the be all and end all. You can hang out with other groups if you want to -- it's just who you happen to be friends with. I feel so horrible for people stuck in institutions like the one, here.

And don't worry, you'll find your guy eventually -- I'm in the same situa... (more »)

magic-esi This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 24, 2011 at 11:00 am
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU For writing this article!!! I am so sick of people pretending that all a girl could ever want is some shallow relationship with a jock who only wants her for her body. Thank you for representing values, no matter how 'old-fashioned' (as if that's supposed to be a bad thing) and for representing people with self-respect. I absolutely loved this article, including your writing style, and it certainly deserved to be published in the magazine.
Missyninja said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 12:22 pm
I totally agree with you! I love your artical :)
Moonstream4495 said...
Jan. 25, 2011 at 7:09 am
Well said(:
GraceK said...
Jun. 21, 2010 at 4:33 pm
I love this!!It is soo true and I write about stuff like this too because I kinda feel the same way!hahaha Dude there are not may girls like us who think this way nowadays!I just wrote an article about high school life and all that stuff!Your work here is great!
WriterFanatic This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 4, 2010 at 4:58 pm
haha isnt it funny? Many people go out with what I call the "hannah Montana people" its funny how know one really looks for character and intelligence hmm? No but I I totally agree with your statement! Don't you wish you could hold a sign above your head telling everyone who you really are?
Asianflowers replied...
May 28, 2010 at 4:51 am
True that! That was amazing!!
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