Not a Big Deal

August 12, 2009
By Anonymous

I came out to my parents in the dumbest way possible. I had just started dating my first girlfriend, and we talked constantly. She called once at 11 at night, and my parents asked if she and I were "special friends." I said, "Actually, we're dating." They looked at me, and shrugged. I went to my room and cried, because I had just shared something so meaningful with the people who raised me, and all I got was a raising and lowering of their shoulders.
Don't get me wrong; I am really grateful that they didn't throw me out or tell me I'm going to hell. But at the same time, they didn't inquire as to if I was gay or bi, how I felt about it, who else I'd told, if this was the first girl, etc. I've never talked to another person who has come out to their parents and gotten such a lukewarm response. I'm thankful that they don't hate me, but I wish they showed that they cared more.
We did have a talk about my sexuality later, but it was brief and unemotional. My mom told everyone else in her family through email. They talked about me during an Easter brunch I couldn't make it to. Every way that my parents addressed it seemed so cordial. This was a big deal for me; I'm still dealing with coming out to people on a daily basis. I feel like my parents never respected or legitimized my sexual orientation; they may never be grandparents, I may never have a wedding dress, people hate me who don't know me, and suddenly all those GLBT political issues affect their daughter. But it's hard to see if they've made that connection.
It's hard that I've shared such a private and emotional thing wth my parents, and even harder that I've never felt any support for it. I know that I've never felt so connected to anyone before my girlfriend, but I'm still questioning my sexuality. I just wish my parents could be more involved with that.
But at least they're still helping to pay for my college, right?

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This article has 9 comments.

ZiRaww! SILVER said...
on Jan. 10 2010 at 9:52 pm
ZiRaww! SILVER, Phoenix, Arizona
5 articles 0 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. ”

You should be happy they are letting this go; my mom wouldn't. So you really have something good here. They are letting you figure this out.

emily said...
on Oct. 10 2009 at 12:30 pm
Sorry, but you sound like you'd have been happier if your parents had ripped into you so that you'd have something real to complain about. Be grateful that your confusion about your sexuality isn't being made harder by parents who try to force you to make a decision to be straight. Have you thought about the fact that your nonchalant announcement set the scene for the situation and that they are just trying to give you the space and courtesy they think you likely deserve. Being gay is not earth shattering - it's who you ARE, and if you have parents who are treating you like you're NORMAL instead of special because you're gay, then I'd say you have a LOT to be grateful for and nothing to complain about. Sorry to be hard on you, but you are gay, not dying of cancer or choosing to cut off your leg or something.
I'm 17, a lesbian, and like many of us out there, I've been kicked out of my family for my choice. If you were straight, your parents would be treating you exactly the same as they are now. Newsflash - being gay is no different than being straight, it's the ignorant masses that make it anything else.

Emmalee SILVER said...
on Oct. 1 2009 at 11:03 am
Emmalee SILVER, Rayville, Louisiana
9 articles 14 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. - John Lennon

Coming out is a big deal. You should be proud of yourself, regardless of the reaction from other people.

Cedar said...
on Sep. 30 2009 at 9:48 pm
Cedar, Minneapolis, Minnesota
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
why did it scare you?

on Sep. 30 2009 at 6:52 pm
wordweaver96 PLATINUM, Winchester, Kentucky
37 articles 2 photos 255 comments

Favorite Quote:
" It is not our abilities but our choices that show who we truly are. "
Albus Dumbledore

See, we really DON'T have anything to fear but fear itself!

i'm not gay, bi, or lesbian either, but i agree with you. They might be in a state of shock, even though it's still not fair. have you told them how you feel? if ypu haven't, that's the 1st thing to do. i'm sorry things are so rough.

tnew69 said...
on Sep. 30 2009 at 1:35 pm
that was interesting but scared me a lot

ikik said...
on Sep. 29 2009 at 3:04 pm
Im sorry that you have no support from your parents but you are a strong individual and it will turn out okay. It takes time to get use to something this dramatic. In time they will understand you. Good luck!!!

on Sep. 29 2009 at 2:23 pm
We aren't gay or bi, but we can somewhat understand where your coming from. You need accpetance and your parents should understand you.

emomutt said...
on Sep. 25 2009 at 9:25 am
i know what its like to be bi but i dont care about peoples sexuality. my parents dont even know yet. bi/gay/les pride


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