Not a Big Deal

August 12, 2009
By , Minneapolis, MN
I came out to my parents in the dumbest way possible. I had just started dating my first girlfriend, and we talked constantly. She called once at 11 at night, and my parents asked if she and I were "special friends." I said, "Actually, we're dating." They looked at me, and shrugged. I went to my room and cried, because I had just shared something so meaningful with the people who raised me, and all I got was a raising and lowering of their shoulders.
Don't get me wrong; I am really grateful that they didn't throw me out or tell me I'm going to hell. But at the same time, they didn't inquire as to if I was gay or bi, how I felt about it, who else I'd told, if this was the first girl, etc. I've never talked to another person who has come out to their parents and gotten such a lukewarm response. I'm thankful that they don't hate me, but I wish they showed that they cared more.
We did have a talk about my sexuality later, but it was brief and unemotional. My mom told everyone else in her family through email. They talked about me during an Easter brunch I couldn't make it to. Every way that my parents addressed it seemed so cordial. This was a big deal for me; I'm still dealing with coming out to people on a daily basis. I feel like my parents never respected or legitimized my sexual orientation; they may never be grandparents, I may never have a wedding dress, people hate me who don't know me, and suddenly all those GLBT political issues affect their daughter. But it's hard to see if they've made that connection.
It's hard that I've shared such a private and emotional thing wth my parents, and even harder that I've never felt any support for it. I know that I've never felt so connected to anyone before my girlfriend, but I'm still questioning my sexuality. I just wish my parents could be more involved with that.
But at least they're still helping to pay for my college, right?

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This article has 9 comments. Post your own now!

ZiRaww! said...
Jan. 10, 2010 at 9:52 pm
You should be happy they are letting this go; my mom wouldn't. So you really have something good here. They are letting you figure this out.
emily said...
Oct. 10, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Sorry, but you sound like you'd have been happier if your parents had ripped into you so that you'd have something real to complain about. Be grateful that your confusion about your sexuality isn't being made harder by parents who try to force you to make a decision to be straight. Have you thought about the fact that your nonchalant announcement set the scene for the situation and that they are just trying to give you the space and courtesy they think you likely deserve. Being ga... (more »)
Emmalee This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 1, 2009 at 11:03 am
Coming out is a big deal. You should be proud of yourself, regardless of the reaction from other people.
writer24/7/365 said...
Sept. 30, 2009 at 6:52 pm
i'm not gay, bi, or lesbian either, but i agree with you. They might be in a state of shock, even though it's still not fair. have you told them how you feel? if ypu haven't, that's the 1st thing to do. i'm sorry things are so rough.
tnew69 said...
Sept. 30, 2009 at 1:35 pm
that was interesting but scared me a lot
Cedar replied...
Sept. 30, 2009 at 9:48 pm
why did it scare you?
ikik said...
Sept. 29, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Im sorry that you have no support from your parents but you are a strong individual and it will turn out okay. It takes time to get use to something this dramatic. In time they will understand you. Good luck!!!
maybeNOTlaterright said...
Sept. 29, 2009 at 2:23 pm
We aren't gay or bi, but we can somewhat understand where your coming from. You need accpetance and your parents should understand you.
emomutt said...
Sept. 25, 2009 at 9:25 am
i know what its like to be bi but i dont care about peoples sexuality. my parents dont even know yet. bi/gay/les pride
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