Feedback for "It IS about Winning"

May 20, 2013
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TeenInk is a publication where I can typically find consistent, stellar writing. But as I scanned “It IS about Winning”, by Mary Ann, it became apparent that something was off. While I agree with Mary Ann’s point, and believe that there is a (rather small) myriad of positive aspects to the article, it should not have been published. Before continuing, I wish to make it clear that I am not trying to offend Mary Ann, but rather supply a few suggestions to her that would benefit her writing. I am also scolding TeenInk for posting a piece of work that is in my view, unpolished by the author.

Let me get into it. The article, simply put, is a rant of how winning is the sole objective of a game and competing is pointless if you have little desire to succeed. But it is not the content that is the problem, it is the writing itself. How about starting with the sentence “Some people may be upset with my opinion, but I don’t care too much because that is my opinion.” First of all, this sentence is meaningless because why would she openly hold this opinion if others’ views on it made her upset? Second of all, the line is redundant, for she already shows blunt disagreement with the anonymous “some people” in earlier sentences, and in the last line of the passage. Also, using a longer, more conspicuous word like opinion twice in one sentence sounds like something from a rough draft of a rough draft. Next, who makes the call that a benefit or an all-star game doesn’t count as a game? Of course it does! You just listed two different popular sporting events where having fun presides over winning! This deeply conflicts with your (paragraph-long) thesis. Ok, so this article was about how winning is more important than having fun, right? So why is there a “third wheel” style section that talks about cheating? Is the article on fun VS winning, or cheating? Make up your mind! Finally, I just have to disagree with the usage of the word “Wumbo.” I have never heard anyone say this in my life, so it appears as if this was a combination of letters pulled out of La-La land and used a substitute for the term “loser”- which by the way is in dire need of a synonym. Mary Ann, please revise your pieces before submitting them, and TeenInk, please improve your filtration of unpolished works. Thank you.

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