I wish the things that were simple were still simple. Like going outside and petting your dog or going outside to look into the mailbox, hoping that there is at least one thing worth interesting rummaged between the pile of envelopes. I always thought those things would be free for me to do anytime I wanted, but now its not like that. Instead I find myself at leisure walking back and forth in a room filled with IV tubes, pumping ounces upon ounces of fluids that I can't even read the name of. I look outside the glass of the sadly locked window, and see the Sun beaming its rays upon the tar darkened streets of a city that has became my second home. I try to imagine the warm feeling of a hot summers day just like it would seem outside today, but I feel nothing. Rather I feel the excruciating pain of my disease and the insurmountable nausea I retain from the sickly IV medicine they keep infusing me with. I cant help but think that maybe if they let me out this one time, just for a minute, that maybe the Sun will wash away the pain I feel now. However they can't let me out, not even if my skin turns deadly pale from the lack of vitamin D I would accumulate. It's funny how this thing I have overlooked everyday, is now all that matters.
April 19, 2018