Life is a never ending road of marvelous people and life-altering experiences. He was one on top of the world. Adolescence has no bounds in his life. He was the star of the show, living a fool’s paradise some might call. Life, full of lost hopes and sinister lies is all he knew. He knew all too well what it was like to be the ugly duckling, no where to look, nowhere to run. Nothing to look forward to in his life, he picked up the pieces and stapled the mis-leading face upon his brow, and forgot everything.
Thinking of all the people he had hurt, all the devastation he had caused to himself and to those he once called his own. Life as he knew it was over and his compass had no direction to point. Mindlessly wandering through daily life, never knowing what he might do to make his heaps of pain go away. He has drained the bottomless wells in his eyes, for they are now dry, and desolate. Looking forward to the future, he fears he might ever reach; he hides away from society as we knew it. In the shadows he looks upon the eyes of those he once made marvelous memories with…..wishing….waiting…..hiding, he wants to make things better. Downcast from the friends he once laughed and cried with, he begins an adulterous affair with a bottle of pills. One by one they slip down his throat, aimlessly slipping into into his eternal worthlessness of a human body he calls himself. Laying, thinking this is the final straw, I am going to where I want to be, for I have not only hurt those who were a beacon, a lighthouse of sorts in my life, I have devastated life as I knew it. Letters of life, and happiness written and sealed with the tears of a lost mortal man, he grabs the bottle and drinks his pain away, until he feels nothing, numb to the touch. He knows everything running through his mind, over and over again will still be there shining in his eyes when the alcohol wears away, still he continues drowning his hopes and dreams, for he has betrayed the people who he had once called his family.
Time…ticking away faster than the speed of light, Pain growing ever so more in amount, he began to have another adulterous with a razor blade. Every memory of grand experiences, slice, he feels the separation of the cold and wet skin. Blood begins to drip down, tapping the sink like a drum in an orchestra, still he goes in for another slice of pain and sorrow, all because of the mindless decision he had made. Going to school, not a single soul knowing of the pain he was going through. Not a mortal soul knowing that under those long sleeves, the sign of no end in sight, hopelessness wreaks havoc on his arms. Only in his mind he wishes to talk to them and make things good for everyone, all the while knowing he would be sinning against all he knew if he spoke a single syllable upon their ears. Still he goes to school, living a life of being in the shadows and trying to make the grandest time he knew how. He, wishing they only knew the life he was living, everyday waking up in an external hell, he called life. He…wanting to put an end to the terrible habits he had made his new norm. Muddling through his day to day life, acting as if he were in a Shakespearean play. Going to school, acting as if he does not care, and as though he does not think about them, then traveling home, only to unwrap the secrets of his adulterous affair once more. Hours seem like months, ideas rushing through his mind of how he can end his never ending misery. Nobody knowing of what he goes through when he opens his eyes in the morning. The adulterous affair becomes boring, and he must find a new mistress to flirt away pain beside. He decides to turn to the ever so beautiful mistress in which he called “Nothing.” He began to fathom the idea of “He does not deserve to obtain anything.” He slowly stops eating, sleeping, living his dreams, because the rapid fire of thoughts going through his mind never seem to stop. Little did they know the little things they did for him meant the upmost to him, but he was blinded by money, status, and the hierarchy of everyday life to see how much they cared for him.
The many never ending nights at one’s house, laughing, smiling, and having the best time of his life. Families knowing of one another’s lives, and hardships. Growing up from playing in the dirt at school to nothing, absolutely, nothing except the presence of the deep, dark desolate nothingness he lives in everyday. One single fatal flaw destroyed him and his life, he once had. If he could only grasp and hold onto a piece of what he once had. He would give up his own life just to look upon the sight of them being happy and moving on to great things in their lives, such as growing a family, and doing what they love to do. If only it were an option, he would take it in a heartbeat. He is still moving on day by day, telling himself and being told that everything will be okay, and he will be alright in the end, knowing all the time it is all just words of a inexperienced professional striving to get the next client, not knowing the true horror of what can truly go on underneath the human skull. Thoughts of the self mutilation, along with thoughts of the good times the four once shared together. No money in hand, no place to go, a truck and a few best friends with nothing to do is all they had and needed, they may not have had the great Gatsby of things, but they managed to make it work. Who knew four friends and some dirt could cultivate so many memories of laughing and smiling until their hearts could no longer take it any longer, and then picking up the pieces and doing it all over again the next day. Now all is lost to the hands of time, nothing to do, to grasp a hold of the life he once had. Picking up the pieces, moving on as he marches fort, with the memories in his brain, and cuts on his arms, pills in stomach. Slowly realizing his irrational thoughts do him no good, writing letters, seize to persuade them. He at the time pouring his heart and soul into every single strike of the pen on the delicate paper. They will just toss the note into oblivion, and their eyes will never look upon the delicate words of hopes and dreams he once had with them. They always say it is better to have five good friends than to have 500 people who stab you in the back as you fall. He is here to tell you that he thanks god every day that he was granted the opportunity of a lifetime, to have those guys be a part of his life, and hand him over the advice to fuel an army into battle, knowing they were going into battle to die for what they believed in. God works in mysterious ways. He is here to tell you that you should never change for anyone, be who you are and let life take it’s course. You’re not living on the never ending path of a set in stone destiny, what happens when we reach our destiny at the age of twenty-four, then our lives are over. Thankfully we are not robots on route to the junkyard, we are all human beings trying to find our way in this world, and figure out what we want from this gift we have all been given called “Life.” Do not get caught up in all of it, the hustle and bustle of life can do disastrous things to people, make them do and say things they never even before would have thought of. Do not lie to those you are about to call family, it may work for awhile in the beginning, once the truth is made visible to their eye, life has an avalanche, ruining everything you thought you knew. Becoming a distant memory of LIFE AS WE KNEW IT.