These days, I paste a smile on my face. It's superficial, but I don't want people to bother me. I don't want them to ask me, what's wrong, or how is he doing, or are you okay? I just want everything to be back to normal; the way it was before everything changed. So, I pretend to laugh along with my friends, but inside, I'm hurting very, very deeply. 

Cancer. It pains me to even write the word. Whenever I am asked about it, I barely answer. I mumble something, avoiding eye contact, because it's the only thing I can do to avoid crying. But the word wrenches my heart, and squeezes it tightly. Whenever I even hear the word, my mind jumps to the hospital where he lies. In the day, he is surrounded by love, but at night, he is alone. It is during the night that I am the most afraid.

The cancer's not even the worst part. If it was just cancer, I think that I would be okay. I think that I could handle it. The worst part is to see my mom in so much pain, so lost, and so sad. I wish I could comfort her, but the pain bites so deeply, that it is impossible for even me to reach. She is with him all the time, and it is draining. I wish I could be there to take the burden from her and tell her to rest. 

He is so far away and she is with him. And that means that I don't get to see either of them. Today was her birthday, and I wasn't even able to give her a hug. I miss them both, and I pray for them both. I love them both, and they both are going through the worst ordeal of their lives. I wish I could be there.