Confessions This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

October 4, 2008
I am sitting here writing to you, thinking if I sit here long enough, I won’t want you. So far it’s not working. I can still smell you in the air, and hear how you echoed when you hit the ice. The splash that came with the drops, bluck, bluck.

Some days I miss you, and others I am glad I am learning how to forget you. But right now I am in ­between. Not knowing if I want to go left or right, up or down. If you are worth losing everything for or worth gaining everything to give up. You were my dirty habit, the habit that doesn’t lie far away if life gives me lemons.

How soon we forget what we did when life was good, or bad.

Other days, I just wish you were dead. Or that I had never been ­introduced to you.

What would I be like if you weren’t in my life? Where would all my pain go, and who would bleed for me without you? I have to fight this battle every day and make a choice every second to have you.

Some days it feels like I am losing. Every time I go looking for you, you’re nowhere to be found. When I am not looking for you, you’re right there smiling at me. Begging me: please, one more round.

But I know deep inside if I do, I know my fate. The fate that I ask for, but only when you’re inside of me.

Here, round and around again, doing this damn jig every day, this feeling is endless.

And I am growing tired and weak. But I know right now, this second, I am sober and I won’t pick you. Tomorrow is another battle.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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This article has 9 comments. Post your own now!

Aelita said...
Jan. 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm
The firs couple of paraghaphs I thought it was about a person, it took me a while to get that it was talking about alchohol.  Very well-written.
bbygurl21 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 2:52 pm
this is real wreat i love it so much.
Sarbear This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 3:10 pm
this is great! i like dif. stories that dont sound like every other one you read. congrats on getting the magazine! check out my poems too
eMs23 said...
Sept. 23, 2009 at 10:30 pm
I feel that way right now!!
the-optimist said...
Sept. 23, 2009 at 7:25 pm
I go through the same thing every single day... its so frustrating! i know how you feel. This was a really good story keep writing you will go far :)
writer24/7/365 said...
Sept. 23, 2009 at 4:57 pm
this is amazing. i know exactly how you feel sometimes.
Miss_May1312 said...
Apr. 22, 2009 at 1:59 am
This is absolutley amazing!! i know how you feel. keep up the AWESOME writing!!
megan39 said...
Apr. 3, 2009 at 3:06 pm
what are you talking about? are you talking about a guy, or alchohal?
i<3steven! replied...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 4:05 pm
you spelled alcohol wrong :)
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