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Self Destruction is a Full Time Job

By , Chelsea, MA
Engaging in self-destructive behavior is a full time job. Not only are you constantly consumed with one vice or another, but there are periods of stagnation which you must fill in any manner possible. This means that when everything is going well, and life is happy, someone, something, or you yourself will f*** it up. This is the truth. When one’s self destructive its hard to be cool with periods of happiness, so you f*** it up for yourself. You start purging again; taking pills because shits’ just getting too boring and real life is a massive drag. If this doesn’t happen, don’t worry your little mascara stained cheeks, someone will come by and plunge you back in that delicious cycle of self-destruction. Its almost like they know that you’re deranged and that you need a reason to cut up your arms or sleep with another douche bag. At some point or another, you are going to realize that the universe has recognized you as someone who is fifty shades of unstable, and its going to provide you with people who feed into this necessity to inflict pain upon yourself. Now, im not saying that being self-destructive only comes in the form of actual self-harm, doing drugs, or starving yourself, because there’s a wide range of options available to you. Self- destruction wants everyone to participate, and it really depends on one’s own particular situation how they’re going to choose to spiral out of it and into hell. I say into hell because self-destructive behavior is hell. It feels good, you have control over how much you fall into the void of vices and reckless behavior, but over time you harden and begin to die a little inside. This is hell, because those parts of you that have died do not come back. During periods of stagnation, where you pick yourself off the bathroom floor or put down the Fireball Whiskey, these dead portions of you do not heal, they are simply numbed. Those dead parts are merely waiting for the trigger that throws you down the rabbit hole of self-destruction once again.

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