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Surgeon General's Warning MAG
August 23, 2008
You smell like smoke.
Not the good, grandfather kind that wraps
around me like a hand-me-down
scarf and sinks
into my skin like stories
(those fairy tales you used to mumble,
sneakily replacing knights in armor with you
and your messy smile)
It creeps off you in waves that crawl
up my nose
and claw at my brain until
my face screws into a grimace and I have
to turn away
so you don’t leave me for being ugly.
Cigarettes will kill you.
© Lauren M., Avondale, AZ
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 29 comments.
Joy said...
on Nov. 27 2008 at 2:32 am
This was defintely an excellent poem. I agree with the other reviewers though. I think the last line is completely unneccesary, and you could have just left it off with the being ugly comment. Still, this is an intriguing poem, and I like the description of the grandfather smoke.
ewrinc said...
on Nov. 26 2008 at 2:23 am
Great message in a few words; also some undercurrents that make you wonder ...
Weatherly said...
on Nov. 23 2008 at 2:21 am
hey, thanks for the feedback, guys.
the last line of the poem... well, it interrupts the flow for a reason, if there was still flow, then there would be no ending.
but thanks for telling me, maybe I'll try to soften it up.
:)
the last line of the poem... well, it interrupts the flow for a reason, if there was still flow, then there would be no ending.
but thanks for telling me, maybe I'll try to soften it up.
:)
brebre21 said...
on Nov. 19 2008 at 6:50 pm
Wow what a good poem.My grandpa died from cigarettes.Great message.I loved it.
Nurxxx said...
on Nov. 17 2008 at 10:12 pm
this is good, but short and abrupt
thumbs up stil however(Y)
thumbs up stil however(Y)
write4life said...
on Nov. 14 2008 at 1:18 am
i liked it alot but i think it was abrupt at the end. it was a great message. so great i might give it 2 my health teacher. (: great job
sf574 said...
on Nov. 13 2008 at 4:09 pm
I smoke cigarettes and im 16 years old but for some reason i do like this poem though
ZeeZee said...
on Nov. 11 2008 at 5:43 pm
Everything is really great, especially the description of the grandfather kind of smoke, but I personally think that the last line is a bit abrupt and disrupts the flow.
coockooo said...
on Nov. 11 2008 at 3:35 pm
This poem has a TERRIFIC message that all teens and adults should follow. You get right to the point with just about everything.
