It has been a year since the last time I did it, and I’m really proud of myself. I can barely remember how it started – what made me want to hurt myself. I had so many different feelings. Nobody wanted to listen. I didn’t know what to do, so I’d lock myself in my room.

The first time I did it was after my cousin died. It seemed like I would never get over it. That fact upset my father; he just didn’t understand, but my cousin was my best friend. The first cut was small, but the feelings were big. It is hard to explain – I felt like there was something wrong with me, so I should be the only one to deal with it. Instead of arguing and crying, I’d punish myself and hide the ­problem.

I liked doing it because it was so easy to do and then I could just put it away. It went from little scratches to long, deep slices. Sometimes I did it regularly, like a smoker, over stupid things, like a little fight with my boyfriend.

I was always scared that someone would find out. I thought nobody would understand. I always wore lots of bracelets and cover-up on my wrists. My mom cried when I eventually broke down and told her what I had done. I wanted help.

I was admitted to a hospital that night. Being an inpatient taught me a lot. I met other kids who were just like me, and I learned new ways to help myself. I felt so good when I got out, but then I thought about school. I didn’t go back for about a month, and I figured everybody knew. When I finally returned, nobody said a thing.

Now I know how to make myself happy. For the first time in a long while, I look forward to things. I started seeing a counselor which is the best form of help I’ve found. She knows how to help and wants to heal me. I could not have quit if it hadn’t been for her care and ­support.

I want to tell others who are like me that nobody is normal. It is hard to get help, but if you want it badly enough, you can get it. Even if you think nobody understands or wants to help, there are those who know exactly what you are going through. It will be hard, but it’s worth it. You can’t just hope that you will wake up happy one day. Believe in yourself and get support. Then you’ll be on the road to loving yourself.