March 12, 2013
By Anonymous

There are times like tonight when I realize that recovery never ends. While attempting to read an article for an English class I have tomorrow, I was overwhelmed with sadness and a desire to die. Being clinically depressed is not something one can often control, and I realized this tonight. I am more frequently reminded that I will never fully recover from anorexia nervosa, when I catch myself looking at myself in the mirror, seized by the panic of thinking I am fat. I am not fat, I’m still quite thin. This doesn’t stop me from fretting over what I eat on a daily basis, or stressing that I didn’t exercise enough at the gym on a given day. I sit here tonight, trying my hardest to do my homework, but I cannot. I am sad from fighting with my boyfriend all day and sad because I don’t want to feel this way. It’s hard to be happy when the person you love puts you down. I don’t want to argue with him, and immediately after I feel regret for bringing our problems to light. My frustration is bubbling over at this point, and I want to cry and die and harm myself more than anything right now. I will not however. I will sit in my room, smoke a cigarette, put on music, talk to my roommate, and distract myself from my demons. Because that is what recovery is. Recovery is day to day.

The author's comments:
This is a piece I wrote because I am struggling with recovery from depression and anorexia, and used writing as an outlet for my frustration.

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This article has 1 comment.

on Mar. 19 2013 at 2:45 pm
MckennaS PLATINUM, Port St Lucie, Florida
21 articles 0 photos 56 comments

Favorite Quote:
Well, I’m well.
Well, I mean I’m in hell.
Well, I still have my health
At least that’s what they tell me
If wellness is this, what in hell’s name is sickness?"

From someone who is also recovering from anorexia and self-harm, I applaud you for writing instead of engaging in self-destructive behaviors. Every day is a struggle, yes, but I hope it begins to get easier for you, because I do believe it must at some point. It will never be perfect, life won't be perfect, but that's how it is. Good luck and I support you.


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