Most people imagine that monsters are the ones that come alive in those gruesome stories mom and dad tell us at night to keep us in line, they think of the boogey man or the monster in the closet that’ll drag us into the depths of its ever present darkness if we leave our foot sticking out over the bare edge of it. It took me a long time to realize that, those aren’t the real monsters. The real monsters are the ones that are shrouded and cloaked in the depths of our mind.

For me, it was disguised in the voice of a man. He was cruel, and unrelenting, and it was a battle of will, of strength. It was wholly destructive. I tried so hard to ignore him, to ignore the ‘you’re so fat’ and the ‘you’re so ugly’ comments he would make in an attempt to destroy me.

Overnight I was consumed with counting calories, and an aching need to be thin and beautiful. I just wanted him to shut up, and nothing I did was doing the trick. His voice never left, and I didn’t know what else to do but obey, and to restrict and hide away in my misery.

It was a fight I knew I was destined to lose. I found myself spiraling downhill. Quickly. And I kept trying to make excuses; I kept trying to act as if, everything was ok and as if I were okay. But I knew nothing would ever be the same.

Then one day, I woke up, and I was so sick of the self-hatred and loathing I harbored for myself, and the soulless person I had become. So I decided a year ago, that I was going to begin my journey to recovery. And I have never felt so at peace with who I am as a person. These demons, they think that they can settle in and control you, but in all reality, they can’t. They can be defeated, eating disorders can be beaten.