Dude, This Stuff Rocks

November 6, 2012
By Josh Pankratz BRONZE, Palatine, Illinois
Josh Pankratz BRONZE, Palatine, Illinois
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Maybe you’ve heard how great it is from your friends. Maybe you’ve heard that it is horrible for you from your parents. Well, if you haven’t heard about the best drug out there, maybe you should listen up, because marijuana is the thing to try.

For one, doing marijuana is so much fun. You can share a dirty doobie (stoner talk for marijuana-cigarette), inhale from a big glass bong, or spread it all over your lawn, set it on fire, and get you and everyone around you really high. After you’ve inhaled the smoke from the burning body of a beautiful plant, things get really fun. Everything gets blurry and your motor skills are almost instantly impaired, allowing for you to simulate a roller coaster just by driving. Also, almost everything becomes really funny, causing you to laugh more, which would cause you to live longer since laughter is the best medicine and has been proven to add years to your life. On top of this you get sudden cravings for large amounts of food (often called “munchies” by stoners) which makes you become fat, allowing you to wear cool fat-joke shirts that say funny things like, “I’m in shape—round.”

Also, once you start smoking, school really doesn’t matter anymore. You’ll have so much fun getting high and meet so many cool people who smoke that you’ll realize school is just something boring nerds do. Who really wants to work when you can “Puff the Magic Dragon” (if the Peter, Paul, and Mary did it, it must be awesome).

On top of this smoking weed will allow you to move onto “bigger and better” drugs. You thought loss of motor skills and hunger pains were great, just imagine how awesome it would be to see “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” (how could the Beatles ever be wrong?). That’s right if you smoke pot, your odds of trying a new substance increase drastically. These drugs, such as crack cocaine, heroin, LSD, and crystal meth, all contain wonders that you can’t get anywhere else. In fact, some of these drugs are so powerful that you’ll actually see awesome things that no one else can see. Did you know dragons and unicorns exist? You would if you took weed and moved on to “harder” drugs.

Now, some people might say that doing marijuana and other drugs are bad and could hurt or kill you. However, these people are wrong. If you look at the people who say these things, you’ll realize their arguments are not legitimate. For one, they are all old people. Most of the haters are either parents or teachers and they know nothing of the real world. They believe that they know everything there is to know about pot, but they have either never tried it or probably quit because they didn’t like the taste. Just because they didn’t like it doesn’t mean you won’t. On top of this the haters are old and removed from the world today. If they don’t know when the new iPhone is coming out, how could they possibly be expected to know anything about weed? Also, being a pothead isn’t nearly as dangerous as being an alcoholic, so they should be proud that you’re not out getting drunk all the time.

See, everyone should do weed. It’s fun and the only people who are discouraging you are old people that should be ignored whenever possible. Just one smoke can lead to many unforeseen wonders.

The author's comments:
This is a satirical piece I wrote for my English class.

Similar Articles


This article has 0 comments.


MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!